Borders
by DeathByMushrooms
Summary: After two long years in Africa, John Carter returns to Chicago. Many twists, turns, romances, and tragedies. No spoilers after 10-4. {Carby} ---ON ICE!---
1. The Boys Are Back In Town

A/N: I hate obsessions.  I find myself writing about one, under the influence of another.  God, I'm pathetic.  Thanks to Liz, Aimee, Steph, and everyone else who has helped me with this, albeit bits of help.  Also, if anyone reading this could remember my friend, Justin Scalf, I'd love you forever.  He's my age, and he's been diagnosed with cancer…

Disclaimer: ER isn't mine.  The song is **Bon Jovi**'s

_Guess who just got back today?  
Those wild-eyed boys that had been away  
Haven't changed, haven't much to say  
But man, I still think those cats are great  
They were asking if you were around  
How you was, where you could be found  
I told them you were living downtown  
Driving all the old men crazy  
The boys are back in town  
You know the chick that used to dance a lot  
Every night she'd be on the floor shaking what she'd got  
Man when I tell you she was cool, she was red hot  
I mean she was steaming  
That night over at Johnny's place  
Well this chick got up and she slapped Johnny's face  
Man we just fell about the place  
If that chick don't want to know, forget her  
Friday night they'll be dressed to kill  
Down at Dino's bar and grill  
The drink will flow and blood will spill  
If the boys  want to fight, you'd better let them  
That jukebox in the corner blasting out my favorite song  
The nights are getting warmer, it won't be long  
It won't be long till summer comes  
Now that the boys are here again  
The boys are back in town_

~_The Boys Are Back In Town _by Bon Jovi

John Carter turned around for one last glance.  "This is it…" he sighed, his soft brown eyes sweeping the distant tangles of what was the Congo.

            His ticket home was the jet engine in front of him.  He still was not sure he wanted to leave.  But he could not stand being away… _from anyone_.  Reassuring himself that two years in an African jungle had kept him deprived from any extensions he might have left in America, and that he was not returning because he missed it, John Carter boarded the plane.

            "_Last call for borders, we will be departing in five minutes.  Last call for borders_."  John Carter found the seat marked on his ticket and sat down as the flight attendant's voice came over the speakers.

            Before his faded cargos could touch the seat, he had rolled up the sleeves on his white button-up.  He spread his long legs wide, leaning his head against the back of the dark blue airliner seats.  Going home was something he had not dreamed of doing.  He had written a single letter in the long time he had been away.  That letter made everything so much harder.

            He testily swiped at a loose strand of light brown hair running down his cheek.  He knew he would have to have his hair cut before going to see anyone.  His beard was short, but it was coarse and somewhat annoying; however, he was used to that by now.  All the clothes he owned were bought from local markets in the village… and there were not many of those.  They were all secondhand, and poorly made.  He did not mind though; it was the Congo, afterall.  The clothes he wore now were the best he had.  Leftovers, they were, from his first few weeks in the jungle.

            John Carter's nerves seemed to be ripping at his soul; at his heart.  He was happy to be going home.  He missed everyone.  He had severed ties with anyone in the states, not wanting to be interrupted by anything.  Often, he caught himself wondering what would have happened if something serious had happened… _what if Abby had died?_  Or, for that matter, Susan, Luka, Elizabeth, or any of his other colleagues and friends?  Not one letter had been sent to anyone, not since that last one two years ago.  Not one letter had been sent to him.  But that was the way he had wanted it.  He knew that if he let anyone know where he was, letters begging him to come back would pursue.  

            It was not long before John Carter's flight was so far up, all he could see was thick white clouds surrounding him.  Slowly, he slid forward in his seat, as if intent on watching the colorless swirls. 

            "How long have you been gone, dear?" asked an elderly voice to his right.

            He jumped, but turned to face an old woman with a kind smile nonetheless.  "I've been here… a bit over two years.  With Doctors Without Borders.  I got the notion to come home.  I've been away from home too long."  Oddly, he did not feel uncomfortable telling this strange lady this, as he might with others.

            "So you're a doctor, then?  That's awfully nice of you.  You came from America originally?"  the woman said, her smile still plastered to her wrinkled face.

            "Yep.  No life left there, so I came here.  I felt a sense of belonging here.  I could… I could help those people,"  said John Carter, sighing.

            "So why did you come back?"  The lady paused.  "Tell me if I should mind my business."

            He smiled.  "I don't mind." _Why, though?_  "I left because… I don't know really.  I just had a feeling that someone really needed me back home."

            "Did you have a family?"

            John Carter frowned ever so slightly at the mention of a family.  No, he did not have one.  Gamma, Abby, his parents, his brother… no, he did not have a family.  If he were to count other doctors in Chicago County General's Emergency Room, then that was different.

            "No.  No, I didn't have a family."

            This time, it was the lady's turn to look slighted.  "I'm terribly sorry."  Another diminutive hiatus.  "My name is Emil Greystone.  I'm a grandmother of four.  My son, Richard, paid for my trip down here, and I'm on my way back."  She leaned further toward him.  "I believe we're the only Caucasians on this here aero-plane."

            It took all John Carter had to stifle a laugh.  "It looks like it.  I'm John Carter.  I think most people call me Carter.  Started when I was a Med Student.  No respect at all."  He smiled to show the lightness of the subject.

            "Well, Carter, I'm please to meet you."

A/N: I was going to make it longer, but I wanted to get some reviews in before I hit the hay. :) In other words, review, will ya??

*~LTDan~*


	2. Some Things Never Change

A/N:  No, Emil Greystone is not in this chapter.  But don't think she's a throwaway character I wrote in just to make it longer.  Because she isn't.  She'll come up later. 

I had SO much trouble figuring out what this quote is from.  I can't believe it.  It's from one of my favorite movies.  See if you can figure it out: "_It doesn't **do** anything.  That's the beauty of it!_" Haha.  

By the way!  Yes, it's a bit boring right now.  It should start to get better by the next chapter.  Lastly, the name "Jayleigh" was my sister's name.  She died on November 3, 2003 at the age of three.

Disclaimer:  _ER_ isn't mine… if it was, I would have NEVER let Carter go to the Congo… nor would I have killed off Carby!  The song belongs to **Tim McGraw**.  The cars mentioned belong to the Cadillac company dudes.__

_*~LTDan~*_

After all this time, 

I still miss you everyday

The same world spins round,

I guess some things never change

Sometimes I go out, 

But it never feels the same

_I still look for you._

_Baby some things never change._

_When I said I loved you for eternity_

_I just never knew how true_

_Those words would be_

_Just an old love song,_

_Just a mention of your name,_

_My heart breaks in two again._

_I guess some things never change._

_Maybe someday, someone else will set me free._

_Until then, I'll live with your love's legacy._

_And I'll keep holding on,_

_Hoping you'll come back someday._

_You can rest assured_

_Baby some things never change._

_Girl I'm still in love with you._

_I guess some things never change._

_I still love you._

_~Some Things Never Change_ by **Tim McGraw**

Carter stepped off the plane alone, Mrs. Greystone having been picked up immediately by her son.  Walking down the stairs and seeing the Chicago Airport felt better than anything he had felt yet.  With his bags slung over his shoulders, he continued on to the parking lot.

"Dr. Carter?"  said an uncertain male voice from behind.

Carter turned, only to find an obese man he was sure he had never seen before.  Assuming it was someone he had met in a previous life, he said, "I'm Dr. Carter.  Can I help you?"

"You don't remember me, do you?"  The man smiled when Carter didn't say anything.  "I had massive burn wounds last year."  The man peeled down the collar of his shirt.  His entire chest and shoulders were covered in angry scars.  Carter inwardly wondering why on Earth this man cared he had treated his burns.

"It's just… I heard you were in the Congo.  I wanted to… I'm sure you get this a lot… I wanted to thank you," said the man, as if in response to Carter's thoughts.

Carter smiled.  "Actually, no, I don't get that very often at all.  It's part of my job… you're welcome."

"So you're back?"  the man asked after a small pause.

"Yep.  And—ah—I'd better be going if I want my job back."  Carter glanced at his watch.  He had never been very easy talking to people who treated him only as a doctor who had saved their life.  He liked to converse on a personal level.

"Okay.  Catch you later."  The man took off in the opposite direction toward the air terminal.

_Does that guy know what he just said?_ Carter thought.  _"Catch you later"?  The only way he'll "catch me later" is if he's seriously injured_.  He laughed aloud at his newfound philosophical look on life.  Africa had changed him, whether he saw it or not.

"First," he said to himself, "I'll need a car.  To a car dealership."  He laughed.  He would seem so homely, going to a car lot in the shape he was in.  _Oh well_, he thought, _they'll get over it_.

Thus, Carter set out on foot, heavy luggage and all, to the nearest car lot.

******

"What can I do for you?"  a salesman as soon as Carter had stepped onto the pavement of _Bender & Sons' Cadillac, Buick, and GMC_.  _Annoying jerks_, he thought as the tall man before him flashed him a smile.  This guy was definitely the cover boy for annoying jerks.

"Well… I need a vehicle…" said Carter thickly, suddenly realizing he did not know what kind of automobile he wanted.

"I'm here to help."  The man, whose black hair was slicked back, thus furthering his look of mental retardation, stuck out his hand.  Carter didn't want to, but he shook his hand anyway.

"What have you got in mind?"  the man asked, leading Carter down a row of sport utility vehicles.

Carter gave a short laugh.  "I don't know, really.  I just got back in the country.  Need something…"

"Yeah, I got outta the country sometimes too.  Went up to Canada a few times.  Do you plan on hauling many passengers?"  The man stepped up to a white Cadillac Escalade.

_Oh sure, _thought Carter, _take me to the most expensive SUV in the place.  He thinks I'm blind to the way their minds work_.

"Well… probably just me…"  he responded in a quiet voice.

"Then maybe you'd like to have a look at this…"  The salesman walked farther down the aisle toward a silver piece of work.  "New model XLR.  Want to see the inside?"

Carter sighed.  _Why not?  Ab—everyone at County will think I'm turning into a rich bighead…_ "Sure."

The salesman grinned again and opened the door.  The interior on the Cadillac was dark leather—freshly oiled, by the smell of it.  There were two bucket seats; beautiful cherry wood that mixed wonderfully with the rest; a computerized map—all the hi-tech contraptions that would give him a cockier appearance than the exterior.

"I'll take it."  Again, he heaved a sigh.

******

Nearly three hours later, Carter pulled up in his new sports car outside his longtime barbershop.  Knowing his barber would recognize him, he did not get out for a few minutes.  It took him a while, but he finally stepped out of the car, and entered the building.

"Hey, Anthony.  I need the usual."  Carter cringed.  Anthony, his barber, probably did not recognize him at all.

"Er—you'll need to sign in…" said the old man, a faint look of puzzlement on his wizened face.

"Okay—"  Carter picked up the clipboard on the counter in front of him.  "John—"  he whispered to himself, "—Carter."

Anthony's eyes widened in apparent recognition.  "John Carter?  Dr. John Carter?  From Cook County General?"

Carter gave his award-winning smile.  "Yep.  That's me."

"I heard a rumor you went to Africa."  Anthony seemed to be taking in Carter's less-than-jake appearance.  "Is it true?"

"I was in Africa for almost three years, Anthony.  Can't you tell?"  He pulled at the same thick bunch of hair that had fallen in front of his face on the plane ride home.

Anthony gave a laugh that quickly turned into a severe cough.  "You alright?"  Carter asked, stepping uncertainly toward him.  He automatically put a hand to his back.

When Anthony nodded and the coughing subsided, Carter attempted to return to the waiting room, which was completely empty.

"Get in here, you.  I'm giving you a haircut, aren't I?  Free of charge." Anthony smiled toothlessly, setting up a chair.

Carter turned a grinned, sitting down in the chair.  "You remember how I cut my hair, don't you?"

Anthony laughed a rattling laugh.  "Of course!"

******

By one o'clock the next morning, everything was taken care of.  Everything he owned was in the Carter mansion, and his car was parked outside it.  Now there was just one thing left to do…

******

Carter stood outside Cook County General.  His hands in his pockets, his breath visible in front of his face, he took a solitary step forward.  _This is it_, he thought.  He had never, ever thought returning would be so hard.  What, exactly, was difficult, he still did not know.

Gulping involuntarily, he took another two step toward the double doors only a few yards away, a sign labeling it EMERGENCY ROOM directly above them.  A few steps later, and he was looking through the glass at the admit desk.

_Oh God_, was all he could think.  Slowly, he opened the door, and the head of the man at the admit desk turned, seemingly automatically, toward him.

"Dr. Carter?"  said the man.

Carter bit his bottom lip and raised his eyebrows.  "Hey Frank," he said I a rush, as he did often when he was caught up in something, or nervous.

"You're back!"  Frank yelled, pointing out the oh-so-obvious.  He ran, or, rather, waddled toward Carter.

Carter made up his mind a split second.  "Frank, do you know where Abby Lockhart is?"

"Abby?"  Frank said, as if he had been pulled abruptly out of a trance.  He scratched his half-bald head (which, Carter noticed, was balder than it had been when he left).  "ICU, I think.  She spends a lot of time up there. Check the exam rooms if she's not there."

Carter's brow furrowed.  "ICU?  She's okay, right?"

"Yeah… yeah, she's fine."  Frank tilted his head to the sight slightly, as if he wanted to say more, but thought better of it.

"Does she… work up there, or something?"  Carter persisted.

Frank looked down at his watch.  "Well," he said, a bit too loudly, "you'd better get up there.  It's late, and she'll probably be leaving soon."

Carter looked, mystified, at Frank, but continued walking down the hall toward the stairs.

******

Thanks to sheer dumb luck, no one saw (or, perhaps, he thought, recognized?) Carter as he made his way to the Intensive Care Unit.  He reached the level, and walked down the receptionist's  desk.

"Excuse me, I'm looking for Abby Lockhart.  Frank at the ER admit desk said she was up here—"

"Dr. Lockhart?"  said the receptionist, a set of oddly cold black eyes boring into Carter's chocolate-brown ones.

"Er—I suppose."  _When did she become a doctor?_

"Next floor up, last door at the end of the hall on the left.  Room 403."  She paused.  "Have you been here before?  I'm sure I know your face…"

"Used to,"  responded Carter before walking the length of the hall to the stairs.  He had intended on seeing Abby again, but what was he doing?  This soon, the first person he went to see.  In the back of his mind, he knew she was the best thing that had ever happened to him.  And God knew he still loved her more than ever.

He reached the door labeled 403.  The patient's name was Jayleigh, and her doctor was Sam West—someone he had never heard of.  The door was partially open, so he knocked, then pushed it open without waiting for a response.

A sharp gasp escaped his lips at what he saw.  Abby was sleeping softly next to a small child—the patient.  The small girl in the bed was hooked up to so many tubes, monitors, and various other equipment, Carter was barely able to count them.

He stepped up to her, wondering who she was.  Her head was narrow, and covered in curly blonde hair.  Her skin was fairly dark, and her eyelashes were long and black.  Carter decided quickly she was beautiful.

Suddenly, Abby stirred.  Carter watched her sadly as she woke.

"Carter?"  she said when her eyes opened and she caught sight of him standing above the little girl.

"Hi Abby."  He couldn't help but grin at her dumbfounded expression.  "I'm back."

*~LTDan~*

**Response to Reviews**

**DreamChaser78: **Yeah, I was looking for who the original singer was.  I found that Bon Jovi redone it, but I could NOT find the original singer. Bah.  

**Anon:** You want me to answer that?  'Cause I dunno why you don't like it.  I think it's a bit stupid, but that's just me.  I'm going to assume you've never written anything.  If you have, then I want to know what your problem is.  Authors love reviews!  That's why we ask for them.  

**MaryKate113:**  I have posted again.  There we go.  

**Starbright:** Great story?  Aww… thankies.  

**Not-so-dumb-blonde:**  Looks like you were wrong.  Lol.  You almost made me want to change it, though! Lol.  I might do that sometime, as a branch off this, when I get the time… Justin has cancer in his kidneys, lungs, and upper lymph nodes.  He went home yesterday.  I went to see him Sunday, and he was being taught to flush his kidneys.  Meaning, one has shut down already.   It's curable, and he's doing really good, thank God.  Thanks for reviewing!  

**Jennifer:** Well, is it okay if you read more?  I'm sure I can record myself reading it aloud and mail it to you, but will this work? Hehe.  

**Kattybaby2318:  **Oh, you'll see what's calling him back.  Thanks for reviewing.  You don't know how much I appreciate reviews. :)  

**Cait:  **Well, I could reply to that in a very scathing manner, but I just lost my little sister, and am not up to it.  

**AthleticCharmedOne:**  Goodie!  You reviewed!  And I've updated!  See, I'm loyal! :P  

**IdontwriteIjustread: ** Is it?  Really?  Of course, I'll keep going! :D  

**Nicoleq: **I've heard quite a bit about these spoilers.  It's killing me!  I've emailed you… and you think I'll do better?  Aww… thankies!  I'm touched!  

**Fariha Khan:**  I'm glad you like the direction it's going in.  And I am continuing, see?


	3. You Don't Love Me Anymore

**Chapter Three: You Don't Love Me Anymore**

A/N: Thanks to everyone for their support.  I dedicate this to anyone who has helped me through hard times with Justin and Jayleigh.  For Ella, who sits down and listens to how much I hate guys.  To Ryan for never giving up on me.  To Tyler for his never-ending love.  To Aimee, Brittany, and Kim because they are so easy to talk to about Jayleigh.  Also to Steve, Liz, Steph, and James, because they tried.  I love you guys more than you know.

Disclaimer: I don't own _ER_ or the song.  It, like the one before, belongs to **Tim McGraw**.

_*~LTDan~*_

_She walks over to him and she says,_

_Do you remember me?_

_I think we might have met somewhere before._

_Southern Carolina is the place that comes to mind,_

_But, hey, I guess you never really can be sure._

_Well there's nothing like a true love_

_To go and make a fool of someone_

_Just like before._

_And right there for a minute,_

_I forgot that you don't love me anymore._

_Then an old familiar feeling_

_Wraps its arms around the moment_

_And he says so many times I've tried to call._

_Well you'd think it's been a lifetime._

_It's been two years since I've seen you,_

_But it seems like no time's gone by at all._

_Well there's nothing like a true love_

_To give you back the feel of someone_

_Just like before._

_And right there for a minute,_

_I forgot that you don't love me anymore._

_Oh and how far we'll travel_

_For a place to heal our hearts._

_We watched it unravel,_

_So why's tonight the hardest part?_

_Then he says the weather's changing_

_And it's icing up the highway,_

_So I guess it's time for me to hit the road._

_So she says goodbye and then before_

_She knows what she is saying,_

_She says I wish you didn't have to go._

_Well there's nothing like a true love_

_To go and make a fool of someone_

_Just like before._

_And right there for a minute,_

_I forgot that you don't love me anymore._

_You Don't Love Me Anymore_ ~ **Tim McGraw**

            "What are you doing here?"  Abby said drowsily, blinking away sleep.

            "I just got in a while ago.  Came to see y— you guys."  _Nice save, John_, Carter thought.  He had almost said he had come to see Abby."

            "John, it's late.  Why are you here?"  Abby sat up and put her hands between her knees.  She yawned.  With her eyes closed and mouth open, Carter could not help but think of how vulnerable she looked.

            Carter smirked.  "I told you, I came here to see everyone."

            Abby seemed to be taking in Carter's appearance.  He quickly looked down at his attire, realizing he had not changed from his pitiful button-up and khakis.  His shoes, too, were in terrible condition.  They were black, or at least, used to be, workman's steel-toed boots.

            Abby's gaze shifted from Carter's clothes to his eyes, and there was an awkward silence as they looked into each other's souls for the first time in almost three years.  Carter saw a solid barrier in her once-penetrable light brown eyes.  There were walls guarding her emotions now, he realized.  He knew in an instant he had hurt her when he wrote from Africa.  But she had hurt him first.  She had asked for her key back.  She had forbidden him to go to the Congo.  _To help dying people_.

            _Shut up, you stupid idiot, you're acting like a little kid.  It's both our faults we never worked out_.

            "John?"  Abby broke the silence.  "I want to know why you're really here.  I _know_ you're not up here because you wanted to chat about the weather.  It's got to be past midnight."

            Carter smiled.  "You're right, actually.  I didn't come up here just to 'chat about the weather.'"

            Abby shook her head.  "Then… why are you here?"

            Carter jerked his head in the direction of the sleeping girl.  "I came to see her."

            Abby's eyebrows shot up.  "Oh?  Is that the truth?  Because, and I'm sorry John, but I don't believe you."

            Carter looked confusedly at her.  "What I meant was Frank said you were up here in ICU, and I…"  he let his sentence trail.

            Abby pursed her lips.  "So you came up here to see _me_ because you were worried, right?"

            Carter could only smile.  "…Yeah…"  he said slowly, nodding.

            Abby's expression changed completely.  "Oh, and you've done such a _swell_ job making sure I was all right for the past three years, haven't you, John?  Always right there when I need you, weren't you?"

            Carter had almost forgotten about her red-hot temper.  "Abby, I'm sorry—"

            "You left me, John.  _You_ left _me_.  I have moved on.  I can take care of myself.  I'm a big girl."  She paused for a moment and took a deep breath.  "I've got a better job, I've got a better house… I've got a better life."

            Carter must have looked hurt, because Abby was frowning as she murmured, "I'm sorry.  I lost my temper."

            Carter felt he had overstayed his welcome by now and turned to the door.  But as he reached for the doorknob, he remembered something.

            "Abby?"

            "What?"

            "Who's the little girl?"

            "Will you be here tomorrow?"

            "I should be…"

            "Then ask me tomorrow, John."

A/N: VERY sorry about the length!  I know, it's short.  I wrote all of it during class.  I also apologize about the quality…

**Mberger88: **Yes, aren't people who write cliffhangers just the meanest?  Hehe.  I'm updating as fast as I can.  It normally takes me one or two weeks to update.  Uhh… not now.  I'm depressed, and have nothing else to do of late…

**Fay Taylor:** Thank you, thank you.  As for Jayleigh being Carter's child, Abby forgiving them, and the three of them riding off into the sunset… I'll just say we'll see about all that.

**CL_Curtis:** Thank you!  I rock!  WOO!  And I thank you for being there.  I appreciate it so much… _chickiepoo_!

**Fariha Khan:** You're very welcome for chapter two. :)  As for continuing… your wish is my command.

**Cathy: **Fast enough for ya?

**Taschy: **I'm glad you appreciate my story.  I hope this was updated soon enough to your liking… By the way, and don't think I'm being rude of nuffin, but do I know you? Hehe… it's just that you called me by my name, and I didn't know many people knew it… :)

**Jennifer:** Yes, it is okay.  I'm glad I got you hooked. Haha.  I KNEW that bait would work!

**Peppercat:** Lookit!  Steph reviewed! WOO!  Yes, 'annoying jerks'… lol.  I kept on writing.  Thanks to you and Liz and everyone else.  You guys are such an inspiration, you know that? ^^

**CamilaCarby:** Thank you, thank you.  I'm glad you loved it!

A/A/A/N (Another Annoying Author's Note): Now, I think that's it.  If it's not, it's 10:21 on a Thursday.  I'm logged onto MSN, but I believe we all know where I really am…

_*~LTDan~*_


	4. Can't Stop Loving You

Chapter Four: Can't Stop Loving You 

A/N: I recently found out that in 2001, Noah Wyle renewed his contract with ER to extend it another two years.  I think I'm gonna go cry myself to sleep now… Oh yeah.  The "hockey" mentioned is _tonsil hockey_, so you know… hehe.

Disclaimer: Should I even bother?  ER isn't mine, the song is** Phil Collins**'s.

_*~LTDan~*_

_So you're leaving in the morning on the early train   
I could say everything's alright   
And I could pretend and say goodbye   
Got your ticket   
Got your suitcase   
Got your leaving smile   
I could say that's the way it goes   
And I could pretend and you won't know   
That I was lying   
Cause I can't stop loving you   
No I can't stop loving you   
No I won't stop loving you   
Why should I?   
We took a taxi to the station, not a word was said   
And I saw you walk across the road   
For maybe the last time, I don't know   
Feeling humble   
I heard a rumble   
On the railway track   
And when I hear that whistle blow   
I'll walk away and you won't know   
That I'll be crying   
Cause I can't stop loving you   
No I can't stop loving you   
No I won't stop loving you   
Why should I?   
Even try...I'll always be here by your side   
Why, why, why...I never wanted to say goodbye   
Why even try...I'll always be here if you   
change, change your mind   
So you're leaving in the morning on the early train   
I could say everything's alright   
And I could pretend and say goodbye   
But that would be lying   
Cause I can't stop loving you   
No I can't stop loving you   
No I won't stop loving you__   
__Why should I even try?_  
_~Can't Stop Loving You_ by **Phil Collins**

Carter's hand took a while in finding the button on his alarm clock.  When the buzzing had stopped, he rolled over on his back, opening and shutting his eyes.  Once they decided to stay open, he simply laid there, staring at the ceiling.  He wondered why he had ever left Africa; there was no alarm waking him at five in the morning.

            "I'm definitely back home," he mumbled, realizing he had gotten a bit over three hours of sleep the night prior.

            He mechanically rolled himself out of bed and began to stumble his way around the room in search of his clothes.

            By 6 AM, Carter had grabbed his keys off the key rack by the door, and was on his way outside.  He made his way to his car, and slid into the small space that was the driver's seat.  He was really beginning to hate that car.

******

"Carter?"  Jing-Mei did a double take.

            "Hey, Deb."  Carter smiled.

            "Oh my God!  When did you get back?  You have missed _so_ much!  You wouldn't believe it!"  Deb grabbed his hand and began giving him a tour, as if he had been gone a lifetime.

             "…And this is Luka!  Remember him?"

             Luka Kovac and Cater shook hands.  "Nice to have you back," said Kovac.

             Sudden images flashed through his head.  The Congo; the guerilla; refusing to give up hope on Kovac; finding him…

              "Carter, come on, let's _go_!  There's more to see!"  Deb took him by the arm again, proceeding to another exam room.  She poked her head in the door, but hurriedly said, "Nothing here you haven't seen."

              As Carter was dragged away, however, he caught a fleeting glance of a short woman with dark brown hair hovering over a bloody colored man.

******

              Carter flopped down in the nearest chair to the door when he entered the lounge.

              "Rough day, Carter?  How long have you been on?  Three hours?"  Susan Lewis sat down next to Carter, and he smiled.

              "About…" he mumbled sheepishly.

              She  beamed at him for a moment before her expression became more serious.  "How have you been, Carter?"

              Carter sighed.  "Well, I had a GSW, a miscarrying mother—"

              Susan frowned.  "That's not what I meant, and you know it.  Now, how have you been, Carter?"

              "I've been fine.  I bought a new car, moved into the Carter mansion—"

              Susan groaned in frustration.  "_Carter_!"  she whined.  "Will you _stop_ avoiding the question?

              He sighed.  "I came 'round last night.  Abby was up in ICU… Oh, can you tell me who the little girl was she was visiting?"

              "Hmmm… maybe you should ask her.  And my break is over in five.  'Bye."  Susan got up to leave the lounge.

              "When's Abby's break?"  Carter asked as she left.

              "Umm…"  Susan checked the clock on the wall and appeared to be thinking.  "Ten minutes."

              Carter nodded.  "Thanks."

              Susan stopped at the doorway and grinned roguishly.  "By the way—do you still have a thing for her?"

              He only smiled, and by the look on Susan's face, it was apparent she took that as a 'yes'.

*******

Carter checked his watch.  It had been fifteen minutes since Susan left, and Abby still had not made it to the lounge.  Deciding to go ask someone, he left.

               "Jerry," he said upon reaching the admit desk,  "have you seen Abby?  Her break began five minutes ago."

               Jerry looked up at Carter.  "Hmm… nope, Doc, sorry.  You could check ICU.  She usually spends her break up there."

               Carter laid a hand on the desk to leave.  "Okay, thank you Jerry."

               "Anytime, Doc."

               Carter had no trouble finding Abby in ICU this time.  He walked to the second level of Intensive Care, and down the hall to room 403.  He softly knocked, and Abby came to the door.

               "Hey," he said as soon as he saw her face.  "I got worried when you didn't come to the lounge.  My break doesn't end for fifteen minutes.  I thought we could catch up with each other."

               "Catch up with someone else.  There are plenty of new doctors and nurses downstairs."  She made to close the door but he caught it.

               "I've already caught up with everyone else."  He paused long enough to grin.  "Deb gave me the grand tour."

               Carter happily obliged, and stepped through the door.  The scene from last night was not present today.  A lot of the contraptions sticking in various places of the tiny girl's body were not there today; the room as a whole seemed cleaner; the girl's eyes were open, revealing a beautiful shade of brown.

                "Who is this?"  she said, eying Carter.

                "Someone I used to know, Jayleigh."

                _Someone you used to know?_ He thought incredulously.

                "What is his name?"  said the girl in a squeaky little-girl voice.

                Carter saw Abby glance quickly at him.  "John," she responded.

                Carter smiled, hoping to make a nice impression with the small girl.  "I'm John, so who are you?"

                "Jayleigh."  The girl giggled.  She could not have been more than two years old.

                He could feel Abby watching them.  "Can I talk to my friend now, Jayleigh?"

                The girl nodded, and Abby pulled Carter outside.  "Will you _please_ tell me why you're here?"

                "I told you once… I was worried about you.  _And_, don't go off on my, Abby.  Hear me out."  Abby looked quite upset, but she nodded.

                "I don't want you to think I don't care about you.  I don't want you to think that I've forgotten about what we had.  Because I haven't, Abby, and I won't.  I love you."

               Abby's expression was caught somewhere between anger and enthrallment.  Carter, deciding it looked more like anger, took a step backwards.

               "You think you can waltz in here, tell me you love me, and expect me to take you back—" She snapped her fingers, "—just like that?  Well you're dead wrong.  I told you last night, John, that I had gotten over you a long time ago.  And I'm not _about_ to fall in love with you again, just so you can drag me through the mud and run off to Africa.  I'm not going through the time, trouble, or heartache!"

               The only times in his adult life he had ever wanted to cry had been on four occasions.  One had been when he came back from Atlanta to find everyone had been so worried and supportive for him during his drug addiction.  Another when one of his best friends and colleagues, Mark Greene, had died.  The third when he had lost his Gamma. The last when he had written Abby from the Congolese jungle.  This moment reminded him so much of those times.

               "Abby… I… I didn't mean it like that… I meant… I meant that… I still love you.  And… I just wanted you to know that I always would… I didn't mean for you to… take it… wrong…"  Carter's eyes were welling up with tears, and he could hardly believe it.  He had never been so emotional.  Then, he had never been _in_ love.  He had loved women before.  He loved Abby, but being in love… that was an experience he was waiting for.

              He must have looked as vulnerable as Abby had looked last night when she yawned, because nothing would have ever possessed her to do what she did next.

               "…John…" she mumbled.  She placed both hands on his jaws, stood on tiptoe, and kissed him full on the mouth.  Half a second later, Carter decided his favorite sport was hockey.  A five-second makeout session ensued.

               "_Never, ever again_."  Abby pushed him off her, flames flashing in her unreadable eyes.

               "I'm sorry, Abby, wait—!"  he yelled after her as she turned to enter the child's room again.  He grabbed her arm.

               "_Let go of me_."

               "Look, I—"

               "You took advantage of me!  You…"  Tears became visible in her eyes.

               _Great, you idiot.  You hurt her…_again_.  You're just wonderful with women, aren't you?_

               "Abby, please.  Stop.  Hey, hey… what's this?  Stop…"  He pulled her close to him, and was surprised when she didn't attempt to break free.  Instead, she rested her head on his chest, and he stroked the back of her head with his fingers delicately.

               "John…"  she said after a moment.  "I need to go back in.  Jayleigh needs me."

               He suddenly remembered his curiosity concerning the girl.  "About her…" he said, freeing her arm.  "Who, exactly, is she?"

               When Abby didn't answer, he said again, "Abby, who is she to you?"

                "She's my daughter, John."

                Carter felt his heart skip a beat, and he realized for the first time in his life what it felt like to be completely and utterly lied to.

Response To Reviews 

**Louisa: **Thanks.  I appreciate your feedback! :D

**ForeverCarby: **Like, totally, like thank you! I like, love your like, review!  Haha… I'm only kidding. :D

**Kiehl: **Well… now we know half the answer to your question! Hehe.  Don't we ALL just love Carby romance?  XD

**Lily: **I've reduced someone to whining.  Well, I'm not up to my usual standards.  I can get people to cry. Just go read a Harry Potter fanfic of mine.  I never get to brag, so leave me alone!

**Peppercat:** Yes ma'am!  'Cept… it's already posted.  And now chapter four is! WOO!

A/N: Ahh… well… five pages aren't as bad as three! LOL!

_*~LTDan~*_


	5. I Don't Call Him Daddy

A/N: I'm updating faster than a jackrabbit can breed! :D  Yeah, the lyrics are uber-long. Oh well.

Disclaimer: Time to be formal!  I've done everything else.  Hehe.  _ER_ and all related terms, situations, characters, and plots created prior to the formation of this story belong solely to Michael Chrichton and NBC.  I do not own any part of the show, and am making no profit from this short fiction piece.  No copyright infringement is intended. The song belongs to **Doug Supernaw**.

_*~LTDan~* _

It was six in the morning  
When I made the county line  
There's someone I got to talk to  
I can't get it off my mind  
He is just a kid and  
He's in a pretty rough spot  
Two dimes to make a phone call  
That's about all I got  
How's my boy today  
I know its been three weeks  
But you know how far I've got to go  
These days to make ends meet  
How's your mama  
Now with her new live in friend  
Oh how I hate the wounds  
That never seem to mend  
He said I don't call him daddy  
But he takes care of things  
When you pick me up on Friday  
Are you gonna bring me anything  
Oh don't worry dad you know  
It don't matter what we do  
Cause I don't call him daddy  
He could never be like you  
God bless the little hearts  
There the ones who really pay  
When mom and dad can't get a long  
And they go their separate ways  
In a way I'm glad there's some one there  
To fill the empty space  
Tears of understanding stream down a dirty face  
He said I don't call him daddy  
But he takes care of things  
When you pick me up on Friday  
Are you gonna bring me anything  
Oh don't worry dad you know  
It don't matter what we do  
Cause I don't call him daddy  
He could never be like you

Be like you be like you   
He is quite a little man   
Growing up as fast as he can   
And I don't get to see him   
Half as mush as I had planed   
There's so much I need to tell him   
So precious little time   
A little rain on the window   
And a little wave good by

He said I don't call him daddy  
But he takes care of things  
When you pick me up on Friday  
Are you gonna bring me anything  
Oh don't worry dad you know  
It don't matter what we do  
Cause I don't call him daddy  
He could never be like you

He said I don't call him daddy  
But he takes care of things  
When you pick me up on Friday  
Are you gonna bring me anything  
Oh don't worry dad you know  
It don't matter what we do  
Cause I don't call him daddy  
He could never be like you

_~I Don't Call Him Daddy _by **Doug Supernaw**

            Carter reached out a hand toward the door Abby had slammed in his face.  He twisted it, but found it didn't open.

            "Doesn't your shift start back in three?"  came Abby's muffled voice.

            "Doesn't yours start back in eight?"  he retorted angrily.  How could Abby do this to him?

            "Carter, just go."  He heard her feet move to the other end of the room, towards him.

            "Why didn't you tell me she was your daughter before I stuck my tongue down your damn throat, Abby?"  he said, banging his fist on the door in frustration.

            "_John_!"  she responded, apparently upset.  "_She's two years old_!"

            "Fine.  Fine, fine, fine, _fine_!  Jayleigh, I'm sorry.  My tongue was _not _down your mommy's throat."

            He heard giggling from the other side of the door.  "But I saw you, Mr. John.  You and Mommy left the door open."

            Carter heard some stifled mumbling, and was sure Abby was telling her daughter off.

            "Abby?" he said in an even tone, trying a new approach.  "Can I talk to you?"

            "John, I'd rather we—"  _BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!_  "I'm being paged."  The door flung open.  "Can you watch her?  Thanks, I owe you!"  she called, running down the hallway toward the stairs.

            Carter carefully stepped into the room; the land of a two-year-old was still uncharted territory to him.  "Hey," he said, sitting down on the bed, leaving his feet dangling over the edge.

            "Hi Mr. John."

            "Just call me John.  No 'mister'."  Carter smiled at the girl.

            She returned his expression, and said, "Okay… umm… John."

            He sat there for a moment, unsure of what to say to the small child.  "So, what's your daddy's name?"  The question was not, of course, just to start a conversation.

            "Lu-kah."

            Carter's heart skipped a beat.  "Luka?  Luka Kovac?  Is that his name?"

            "Yeah-huh.  He fixes people, like Mommy.  He's a doctor," she said proudly.

            "Do… your mommy and daddy live in the same house as each other?"  he asked in a would-be calm tone.

            She nodded.  "Yes."

            Carter's head was swimming.  Luka.  Luka Kovac.  Doctor Luka Kovac.  _Doctor Luka Kovac!_  He risked his life for Luka's,  and how did he repay him?  He comes back to America and starts a family with the woman that he _repeatedly_ told him he loved.  He hated him for that.  But then, he couldn't help but think, he was fairly glad that someone was there for Abby.  She didn't need to sink into the deep depression Carter had while in Africa.

            "John?  Are you okay?"  said the little girl, poking her small little head around Carter's shoulder.

            "Yeah.  Yeah, I'm fine."

            She looked confused.  "Is my mommy your girlfriend?"

            He cringed.  "No."  Abby Lockhart—Abby Kovac—whatever her name was, she would never be his girlfriend.  Not with Luka around.  For that, he hated Luka.

            Jayleigh saw the look of hurt on his face, apparently, for she said, "I don't call him daddy."

            Carter looked around at her.  "You don't?" he said in a croaky whisper.

            She shook her head.  "Nuh-uh.  Mommy said I should, but I don't want to."

            She was making no sense, and Carter felt that only something sensible would make him feel any better now.  "You don't call Luka daddy?"

            "Lu-kah said I didn't have to."

            He was about to ask her why in the world this was so, when Susan burst into the room.  "Carter, you're needed downstairs.  Your break ended ten minutes ago.  Romano's fuming."

            "Uh-oh.  Looks like I'm in trouble," he said, smiling slightly at the girl in the bed.  "Susan, Abby told me to watch her—"

            "It's okay.  She's a patient, she's by herself all the time."  Carter realized that was true, and wondered vaguely why Abby had even asked him to stay with her daughter.

            "So you know, then?" asked Susan when they had reached the stairs.

            "About Luka and Abby?"

            "Well, no that's not…"  Susan's eyes widened.  "Yeah, yeah that's what I meant."

            Carter didn't say anything.  It was beginning to look as if everyone knew something about Abby that he didn't.  But he would find out.  One way, or another.

Response to Reviews 

**Helen_w:** Yes, hockey.  Lol.  Great story?  Thanks.  I really, really appreciate your feedback!

**Fariha Khan:** Loyal reviewer!  Hello! I love you!  Thank you for… saying it's interesting… XD

**ForeverCarby: **How do I do it?  I turn on the computer, open Microsoft Word, and begin writing.  Haha… Like, wow!  I'm like, so happy! Lol.  I update a lot.  You don't have to tell me to keep it up! ;)

**Lily: **No apologies needed!  You have no willpower either?  Haha…

**Kt: **I can't say I remember one story of mine you've not read…  When will I finish it?  Well… we'll see… I'm hoping for it to be sometime next month, December.

**Tony1: **Right back atcha… I hope you liked it. :)

**DrKerryWeaver: **Death and illnesses suck ass.  Don't you think?  Luckily, I have writing for an outlet.  :D  Yes, cliffhangers suck, but I like them.

**Starbright:** It's okay.  Reviews are fun, but not my life (er…).  You think I'm talented?  That's touching, no joke.  I shalt. :)

**Fariha Khan: **You are welcome for chapter three, friend.  One of the best you've read? XD

**Van: **Now you know what happens next!  I'm glad I was the one to pull you out of your laziness. Hehe.

A/N: Whew.  Lots of reviews to respond to.  I've decided to start leaving you with a small cookie for the next chapter. No, it's not very well-developed.  In return, why don't you review? :)

Carter:  What's wrong with Jayleigh?

Abby:  She has acute-angle leukemia.

Carter:  Oh, God, Abby…

Abby:  It's okay.

Carter:  I hope so…

Abby: It's treatable.  They caught it early.  It was… inherited.

Carter:  Inherited?  Luka has…? Luka had…?  He's got the gene?

Abby:  No, John.


	6. It's Been A While

Borders: Chapter Three: It's Been A While 

A/N: Sleep deprivation and depression are not fun. Bah.  Oh yeah… all Noah Wyle and Michael Vartan fans (I think Liz, Steph, and I might be alone) HAVE TO see The Myth of Fingerprints.  It's wonderful.  Noah and Michael play brothers… and they hug and have brotherly moments! WEE!

The answer to the 'mystery quote' in chapter two is from _Back To The Future I_, said by the character Marty, played by Michael J. Fox. [Don't we all just LOVE him??]

Disclaimer: _ER_ isn't mine.  The song is Staind's.  Haha. Sorry, I changed the lyrics, Aimee. You'll see why!

_*~LTDan~*_

And it's been awhile  
Since I could hold my head up high  
And it's been awhile  
Since I first saw you  
And it's been awhile  
Since I could stand on my own two feet again  
And it's been awhile  
Since I could call you  
And everything I can't remember  
As fucked up as it all may seem  
The consequences that I've rendered  
I've stretched myself beyond my means  
And it's been awhile  
Since I can say that I wasn't addicted  
And it's been awhile  
Since I can say I love myself as well  
And it's been awhile  
Since I've gone and fucked things up just like I always do  
And it's been awhile  
But all that shit seems to disappear when I'm with you  
And everything I can't remember  
As fucked up as it all may seem  
The consequences that I've rendered  
I've gone and fucked things up again  
Why must I feel this way?  
Just make this go away  
Just one more peaceful day!  
And it's been awhile  
Since I could look at myself straight  
And it's been awhile  
Since I said I'm sorry  
And it's been awhile  
Since I've seen the way the candle lights your face  
And it's been awhile  
But I can still remember just the way you taste  
And everything I can't remember  
As fucked up as it all may seem to be I know it's me  
I cannot blame this on my father  
He did the best he could for me  
And it's been awhile  
Since I could hold my head up high  
And it's been awhile  
Since I said I'm sorry

_~It's Been A While_ by **Staind**

Carter pulled off his gloves.  "Time of death,  11:46 AM."

            "Don't be late again.  If you are, you'll pay the consequences."

            Carter raised his eyebrows at Romano.  "It looks like I just did.  If it's the same to you, I was visiting an old friend up in ICU."

            "Aha.  Really," Romano said, washing his hands.  "Since when is a _two-year-old_ your old friend, Carter?"

            Carter frowned.

            "I'm warning you; if you're late again, you'll regret it."  Romano walked away, his blue jacket sweeping after him.  Carter followed him out into the hallway, glaring angrily after him. 

            "Don't try to suck up too much," said a voice in his ear.

            He turned and smiled.  "I'm too good for that, Abby.  I thought you knew better?"  He placed a small kiss on her forehead.  It was there, he couldn't help it.

            "John…" she said warningly.

            Carter pretended to be hurt.  "I can't kiss my ole buddy Abby on the forehead?"

            She smiled up at him.  "No," she hissed in a teasing voice.

            It was amazing how a gunshot wound to the left lung could bring two people together.

            "Do you think we could talk sometime, Abby?  I know I've missed a lot around here…"  Carter said, looking around the fairly empty hallway, jumping out of the way of two paramedics, Pratt, and a stretcher.

            Abby's smile froze.  She appeared to be thinking.  "My shift ends at ten…" she murmured.  "It's not a date, though.  You know that, right?"

            Carter nodded and smiled the smile that he had witnessed countless women vie for.  "I know about you and Luka."  It took all he had to continue grinning.

            Abby's expression was unsettled as she muttered a single, "Oh."

            "I'll see you at ten?" he asked, changing the subject.

            Abby's cheek dimples twitched in thought.  "Yeah."

******

            Carter nervously walked into the lounge at half past nine.  Abby was resting there in the lounge, her shift having apparently ended earlier than expected.  She was laying, stretched out on the couch, her eyes closed, and her chest rising and falling in a steady motion with her breathing.  He was suddenly compelled to run over to her, hold her in his arms, and have a passionate kissing fest…

            But he was able to control himself.

            He simply smiled and strode over to her, shaking her gently on the shoulder.  He laughed softly as she stirred and said, "John, I don't have to go in for another two hours…"

            "Actually," he responded, kneeling next to the couch, "you've got half an hour to get out of here with me."

            Abby blinked excessively, sitting up straight.  "Did I say something?"  she asked, her face lined with a frown.

            "You told me that you don't have to be here for another two hours."  He paused, allowing her to realize she was reliving the past.  "I think you were dreaming."

            Her face turned a slightly noticeable shade of pink.

            "You're already changed," he commented.

            "Yeah.  Susan let me off early.  No clue why.  So I changed, came in here, laid down, and… sorta fell asleep, I guess."

            Carter smiled.  "Let me change out of my scrubs…" he said.  He began to take off his coat.

            "John, you think you might want to do that somewhere a little more… umm… private?"  Abby asked.  He glanced over at her to see her staring, seemingly very intent, at the white coat in his hand.

            "You're very right."  He frowned.  "Thanks."

            _Bad sign, John_, he thought.  _You're not uncomfortable undressing around her.  Why don't you skip the trouble and ask her back to your place?_ Carter reasoned with his conscience.  _I've not been uncomfortable undressing around her since… the supposed small pox bout.  That was a good four years ago.  What would change now?_

"John?  Don't you need to change?"  Abby's voice snapped him out of his one-person argument.

            "Yeah.  Meet you back here in ten."

******

            "This is a really nice restaurant."

            Carter smiled.  "I try," he said teasingly.

            "Uh-huh.  I'm sure you do."

            "Hello, Mr. Carter.  I'm Glenda, I'll show you to your seats, if you'll follow me this way please?"  the hostess said, walking around to the back of the building to a two-person table, lit with candles.

            _Oh God_, he thought, _This all looks extremely romantic.  She'll think… oh God._

            "I'll be back momentarily for your orders," said the waitress as Abby and Carter sat down.

******

            By the time they were halfway through their first course, Carter had already run out of things to talk about.  But he couldn't keep Abby's and Luka's daughter off of his mind.  He would have to ask sometime.

            "Abby, I don't mean to be insensitive… or rude… or meddlesome… but… I'm sorry, I just can't get it off my mind—"

            "_Just say it, John_," Abby interrupted him.

            "What's wrong with Jayleigh?"  he blurted, sighing afterward.

            Abby's face hardened, and her expression changed for the worst.  "She's…"  she said in a hoarse whisper, "She's got acute-angle leukemia."

            Carter's eyes widened involuntarily.  He gulped down the margarita he had been sipping slightly in a heavy, unattractive manner.  "Oh, God, Abby…"

            She managed a minor smile, but he knew it was forced.  "It's okay," she said, placing her hand on his.

            "I hope so…" he replied, remembering his brother's case of leukemia: everyone had said his would be okay, too.

            "It will be.  It's treatable—possibly curable.  It's…" she frowned.  "It's inherited."

            His stomach did a flip-flop.  "Luka had…?  Luka has…?  …The gene…?"  he spluttered, unable to believe it.

            "No, John," she answered softly, smiling sadly.

            A lump rose in his throat.  _God, no.  Please, God, no_.  "You don't have it, do you?" he asked, his voice sounding old and unused.

            She shook her head in the same poignant way.  "No, John," she repeated.

Response to Reviews 

**DreamChaser78: **Thank you, thank you.  I do like… um… twisted stuff. XD Carter as the father?  Meh… I dunno… Yes, I think you did mention your liking of the twists. ;)

**Peppercat:** Hi! Leukemia, yeah.  Bitterness. BWAHAHA!  I do have something good in mind.  Well, actually, I have chapter seven written out already! Is that weird? Lol, I hope not. ;)  Keep up my rhythm? Okay.  Update sooner?  What do I look like, a machine? Don't answer that.

**Rachel:** Now you know what happens next! WEE!

**CamilaCarby: **OMG, for real??  IS this chapter awesome?  No, it's not.  I do, however, like the next chapter.  Yes, Luka and Abby are together.  Yes, I do know what to do with the rest. But, shh, don't tell! ;)

**Allison: **I'm-a gonna keep this a-goin so long's there's breath in ma body!

**Cool Cat:** No, it wasn't as soon as I'd have liked.  But, oh well.

**Hyperpiper91:** Thank ya kindly.  *Keeps the story up* It's really heavy…

**Starbright: **You are very welcome!  Fast enough? I hope so.

**Fariha Khan: **Oh my God, I absolutely love your reviews!  You are THE BEST! Continuing, as promised.

**ForeverCarby: **I love that line too!  *Points to Peppercat* I promised that lil' scene to her when I read something similar in Turbulence and showed her.  [GO READ TURBULENCE! You can find it on my favorites list! It's great!]  I shall continue.  Amazing or not, I will.

**CARTERJOHN: **I want to say wow, I love reviews! :) Thanks a million!  Wonderful?  If you say so.

**Peppercat: **I knew it too!  I knew it was her daughter all along! And I figured it out before you! Hahaha!  No, the tonsil hockey deal _wouldn't_ have made much sense if you thought I was DP! Lol.  Don't worry about it.  You'll get your pumpkin in a knot. *Sniggers*

**Kattybabe2318:** You might be right.  This is a Carby after all, isn't it? Yeah.

**Catie: **THANK YOU.  NOW YOU CAN LOOK FORWARD TO CHAPTER SEVEN!

**Hyperpiper91: **I had a feeling too… right now I'm feeling… hyper. Yes.  But that's nothing new…

**CamilaCarby: **It's okay.  You dun _have_ to review, but it'd be nice… The quote is at the top of this chapter. ;)

**CL_Curtis:** YES, I know! But maybe he renewed his contract later on, there are just no reports of it on that particular site.  I'd look it up, but I'm afraid of what I'll see.  We'll just have to see though, no?  *Sighs*

A/N: WOW! That's a lot of reviews! BIG, BIG, BIG hugs to everyone who took the whole thirty seconds to review… Review, everyone else, and I'll loff ya forever!!

*~LTDan~*


	7. Only Hope

Borders: Chapter Seven: Only Hope 

A/N: Okay, it might start to get interesting now… this is dedicated to MJ.  She just started watch ER… tonight! WOO!  Yeah, I'm aware of the medical inconsistencies in this.  But don't let that hinder your reading!  Is Abby gonna die this season? :(  For those of you wondering, Jayleigh is pronounced "Jay-lee".

Disclaimer: ER isn't mine.  The song is **Mandy Moore**'s.  Jayleigh is mine.  But barely.

_*~LTDan~*_

There's a song that's inside of my soul   
It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again   
I'm awake in the infinite cold   
But you sing to me over and over and over again   
So I lay my head back down   
And I lift my hands and pray   
To be only yours   
I pray to be only yours   
I know now you're my only hope   
Sing to me the song of the stars   
Of your galaxy dancing and laughing and laughing again   
When it feels like my dreams are so far   
Sing to me of the plans   
That you have for me over again   
So I lay my head back down   
And I lift my hands and pray   
To be only yours   
I pray to be only yours   
I know now you're my only hope   
I give you my destiny   
I'm giving you all of me   
I want your symphony   
Singing in all that I am   
At the top of my lungs   
I'm giving it back   
So I lay my head back down   
And I lift my hands and pray   
To be only yours   
I pray to be only yours   
I pray to be only yours   
I know now you're my only hope

_~Only Hope _by **Mandy Moore**

For the second time that day, Carter's head was swimming.  _So much for simple, sensible facts_, he thought.

            "I'm not sure I understand," he told Abby, laughing nervously.

            Tears were rolling down her face.  Was it this difficult to talk about her daughter?  He had talked to her about Jayleigh before, but she had never cried.  He was feeling extremely confused.

            "You sh-shouldn't,"  she whispered between sobs.

            Carter offered her the most baffled look he possessed.  Wave after wave of perplexity washed over him, each in time with Abby's tears.  He wanted to say, to ask, her so much, but right when he was about to speak, to make the situation any lighter, Abby stood.

            "I'm sorry, John,"  she muttered, and walked away.

******

            He returned to the Carter mansion around twelve that night.  He got out of his XLR, groaning with realization that he had work in five short hours.  Maybe he could squeeze in some sleep between then and five, but that wasn't exactly probable.  Slowly, he made his way inside and to his bed.  He tiredly began to undress himself, and slipped a gray shirt over his head.  With a final yawn, he slid into bed.

            The phone rang an hour later.

            "What?"  he murmured into the receiver, instead of his usual "Carter residence, John speaking."

            "Dr. Carter,"  said the voice on the other end quickly.

            "Frank?"  He checked the luminous clock on his bedside table.  "I don't go in for another four hours.  I'm not late," he ended stubbornly.

            "It's not about work, Dr. Carter.  Er—something's happened,"  he said, an awkward hinting tone in his voice, as if he were leaving something out.  But by now, Carter was used to not having the proper story.

            "You need me down there desperately?"  he asked, sighing.

            "Er—yes."  Frank's voice was definitely hiding something.

            Carter groaned slightly.  "Give me fifteen minutes."

            "Okay, okay.  Hurry, though!"

            The phone clicked off.

******

            "What is it, Frank?"  he asked, practically dragging himself to the admit desk.

            "You're needed on the second floor of the ICU, room 403."  His sentence was rehearsed.

            403—Abby's daughter's room.  Her leukemia.  Carter's head began to swim—again.

            "Right," he mumbled, taking off at a half-run up the hallway.

            He burst into the room.  "Abby?"

            He wished he wouldn't have said it.

            Luka was in his pajamas, hooking Jayleigh up to an IV.  Abby was sitting in the chair she had been in the previous night.  She was curled up into a ball, hugging her knees and sobbing.

            "Umm…" Carter said, embarrassed. "Frank said I was needed up here…"

            "And it's a good thing you came, too,"  said Luka, looking down sadly at the girl in the bed.

            "What's going on?"  Carter asked.

            "Jayleigh has cancer, Carter,"  responded Luka somberly.

            Carter nodded.  "I know.  Abby told me…"  he allowed his sentence to trail.

            He heard Abby take a deep breath from behind him.  He turned to look at her.

            "It's leukemia, John.  She needs a bone marrow transplant."

            Carter's eyebrows shot up.  "Why are you telling me this?  Couldn't it wait until tomorrow?"

            "No, actually, it couldn't," she replied, sniffing.

            He inhaled deeply, his head now immune to both swimming and spinning.  "Why, Abby?" he asked in a would-be patient tone.

            "Because if she doesn't get the transplant tonight, she'll die!"  Abby said in a half-angry, half-piteous tone.

            Carter bit his bottom lip and closed his eyes.  "I'm not trying to be insensitive—really, I'm not—but what's this all have to do with me?"

            "Abby's blood type is A," said Luka in a dazed sort of way.

            Carter turned on heel.  "What's yours, then?"

            Luka wore an expression Carter couldn't decipher.  "O," he said gravely.

            He laughed mirthlessly.  "You're a universal donor!  Why don't _you_ give her the blood?"

            Luka smiled sadly and shook his head.  "No, Carter.  You have to be a relative to give bone marrow.  I'm afraid I can't help her."

            _Hmm… everyone's motto today must be "To Hell with logic,"_  he thought, a bit angrily.  He stared blankly at Luka.

            "But you can,"  said Abby in a croaky whisper after a moment.

            "How?"  he asked incredulously.

            "By giving her the transplant!"  Abby yelled, as if it were obvious.

            "Abby, I know about leukemia.  My brother, Bobby, had it, if you'll re—"

            He stopped dead as a memory from last night with Abby came washing over him.

            _"…It's inherited…"_

But she had also said that neither she nor Luka were carriers of leukemia.  But if _he_ could give her the transplant, and Luka couldn't, then that could only mean…

            …That he had been too caught up in his own confusion to put two and two together.

            He tried to speak, but no words came out.  It became evident that both Luka and Abby knew what he had just figured out.

            "John, I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner.  I tried to tell you over dinner, but I couldn't bring myself to say it."

            Carter found his voice.  "I've been a father for two years, and you don't _tell_ me?" he yelled.

            Abby's eyes began to moisten again.  "We tried, John, but every time we did, the mail came back unopened."

            "I wasn't receiving any mail!  Or calls, or any other form of communication.  But you could've flown down there, don't you think?"  Your little friend—" he threw a nasty look at Luka, "—could've gotten you down there, free of charge!"

            "Carter," said Luka in a loud, threatening tone.

            "What?"  he asked disgustedly.

            "Shut up.  You're going to wake her."

            Carter decided that, even for a back-stabbing jerk, Luka was right.  He would figure this all out later.  Right now, he had a little girl—a daughter—to save.

Response to Reviews 

**Chiquita: **Looks like a just did.

**CamiliaCarby: **Of course I'll do the right thing!  Sadly, yes, Luka and Abby are together…

**KitKat: **Thank you, thank you.

**Hyperpiper91: **Thank you!  *Puts the story down*  Wow, I'm already feeling better.

**Fariha Khan: ***Huggles*  Thank you!  Short though they are, do you know how much I love your reviews? XD

**CL_Curtis: **I finished Holes.  Took me two days to read, but… meh, whatever.  I liked it a lot.  Zero's cool.  I started reading your fanfic, but haven't had the pleasure of finishing yet…

**Lauren: **For once, I can agree.  I actually like this fic.  One of three out of 57 (that's how many I have!) that I actually like!

**Abby: ***Shrugs modestly* I try.

**Cool cat: **There you go.  Did you like?

**IdontwriteIjustread:** Why yes, yes Carter is the father.  No, no Abby and Luka are not married.  But that's not come up yet.  Yes, yes Carter is jealous.  Why thank you.

**Starbright: **Yes, I do like twisting things. As you'll see.  I love the next chapter.  It's my favorite so far!  Emotional-and-regretful!Carter!

A/N: Anyone else who feels like reviewing, I wouldn't mind it. ^^

_*~LTDan~*_


	8. Oklahoma

A/N: I forgot to mention something.  Borders will be AU here in a few weeks… (the fic will not change, ER will.) Well, it's already slightly AU.  But it's nothing huge.

I HAVE GOT NOT CLUE WHAT HAPPENED TO THE FORMATTING. I TRIED EVERYTHING TO FIX IT.  IT'S ONLY IN THE FIRST FEW PARAGRAPHS; DON'T LET IT HINDER YOUR READING!

Disclaimer: ER & everything with is Michael Chrichton's.  _Okalahoma_ is **Billy Gilman**'s.

_*~LTDan~*_
    
    _Suitcase packed with all his things _
    
    _Car pulls up, the doorbell rings _
    
    _He don't want to go _
    
    _He thought he'd found his home_
    
    _But with circumstances he can't change_
    
    _Waves goodbye as they pull away _
    
    _From the life he's known_
    
    _For the last seven months or so _
    
    _She said we found the man who looks like you _
    
    _Who cried and said he never knew _
    
    _About the boy in pictures that we showed him _
    
    _A rambler in his younger days _
    
    _He knew he made a few mistakes_
    
    _But he swore he would have been there_
    
    _Had he known it_
    
    _Son we think we found your dad in Oklahoma _
    
    _A million thoughts raced through his mind_
    
    _What's his name, what's he like and will he be _
    
    _Anything like the man in his dreams _
    
    _She could see the questions in his eyes_
    
    _Whispered "don't be scared my child _
    
    _I'll let you know, what we know _
    
    _About the man we found, he looks like you _
    
    _And cried and said he never knew _
    
    _About the boy in pictures that we showed him _
    
    _A rambler in his younger days He knew he'd made a few mistakes _
    
    _But he swore he would've been there Had he known it _
    
    _You always said that this was something that you wanted _
    
    _Son it's time to meet your Dad in Oklahoma _
    
    _One last turn he held his breath _
    
    _'Til they reached the fifth house on the left_
    
    _And all at once the tears came rolling in_
    
    _And as they pulled into the drive_
    
    _A man was waiting there outside _
    
    _Who wiped the worry from his eyes Smiled and took his hand _
    
    _And he said I'm the man who looks like you _
    
    _Who cried because I never knew _
    
    _About that boy in pictures that they showed me _
    
    _A rambler in my younger days I knew I made a few mistakes_
    
    _But I swear I would have been there had I known it _
    
    _Never again will you ever be alone_
    
    _Son welcome to your home in Oklahoma_
    
    ~_Oklahoma_ by **Billy Gilman**
    
    It was six in the morning on a Wednesday.  The sun was just beginning to rise in the red-streaked window of room 970 in Cook County General's Children's Hospital.  The sky was a deep orange, spiced with pale yellow, deep purple, and fiery red.  The world below it was just awakening: lights were being flicked on in nearby buildings and homes.  The sailors' sky was promising a perfect day for them all.
    
    ******
    
                   John Carter loved mornings like these.  Before leaving for Africa, he would usually awaken in a synchronized manner with the Chicago morning sun on his days off.  What he loved most about Africa was the beautiful colors painted in the sky as the huge orb made its way through the thick jungle trees.
    
                   But not this morning.  This morning, he was leaning over the bedrail of a sleeping angel.  This morning his eyes were bloodshot, and his throat was scratchy.  This morning, he didn't care if the sun ever came up again.
    
                   He inhaled a rattling breath, smiling down at the little girl beneath him.  He hadn't noticed how she looked like him until this moment.  Her hair had the same wavy texture; her eyes, when open, were a beautiful dark shade of brown; her skin was a light bronze mixture of his and Abby's.  Her hands and nose, Carter observed, were Abby's: (for this, he silently thanked God; he had never liked his nose) small, cute… perfect.
    
                   He placed his hands on Jayleigh's, rubbing his thumb over the top of her hand.
    
                   "We agreed to be less careful," he muttered. "What if we hadn't?  Where would we be now?
    
                   "You know, I always wanted a baby."  He smiled affectionately.  "With Abby in particular.  I…"  He was lost in thought, memories overpowering the present.
    
                   Abby and Luka had agreed that Carter deserved time with his daughter.  She was turning three; he had already missed more than he could stand.  The bone marrow transplant had been an extreme success.  Caught it early, indeed: her leukemia was expected to have been cured with Carter's marrow.  Of course, the results would not be in for days yet.
    
                   The transplant had taken hours, but he was glad. He had known Jayleigh for only a day, but he was a new parent.  He had never thought twice of her existence.  And when he was simply allowed to sit there for as long as he pleased, just to look at her, his heart was filled with an unfamiliar whelming. 

            "Jayleigh, I'm sorry…" He was speaking to himself now.  "I would have been there, had I known.  I know Abby wanted me to.  You needed a daddy, didn't you?  Is that why she's with Luka?  For you?  Does she even love him?"  He stopped himself from going any further.  He was being stupid, and he knew it.  Of course she loved Luka!  She was living with him, wasn't she?  They were probably married.

            "I won't lie… I can't.  I found out you were mine, and the first thoughts to run through my head were 'happy little family with a suburban house and a white picket fence'.  But then I saw Luka standing there… looking at you so sadly, loving you like his own… and I knew I couldn't have that."

            His eyes began to sting, and his throat tingled.

            "I went to Atlanta… and I came back, and everyone was so great for me.  I didn't know what to expect.  I thought they'd all look at me… I don't know… weird… because I was an addict.  But they all supported me.  They understood.  But when I come back from Africa, everyone treats me like a rape victim."  He laughed, a bit mirthlessly.  "Do I have 'handle with care' written across my forehead or something?"

            The girl in the bed stirred.

            "I love you so much… I didn't know…" His words weren't making much sense anymore, but he didn't care.  Words were overrated.  He had never known so much love in his life.  A thought came to him.

            "I wouldn't be here with you…" he whispered, "if my blood wasn't O negative."

            It was random, but it was, he thought, the truth.  If his and Jayleigh's blood types weren't the same, he might have never known that he was fathering a daughter.  Abby was one to run from her problems, though neither of them had brought it out into the open.

            He sat there for endless minutes, his chin resting on the bar of her bed, watching her sleep; listening to her breathe.  With each soft inhale, he realized how much he loved her, and what he would do for her.  Slowly, he drifted off into a cautious sleep, his eyes fluttering to stay awake.

******

            "Dr. Carter, you need to get back to your bed."

            Carter awoke quietly.  "No…" he mumbled.

            "You've just had a spinal tap.  You've given a lot of blood up.  You need your rest."  An African American woman was standing at the door, giving Carter a hard look.

            "I need to stay with her…" he said sleepily, raising his head off the bar.

            "You can see her when you're good and rested.  Hop off back to bed."

            Carter shook his head.  "I'm okay.  I… feel better here."

            She shook her head.  "Okay…" she muttered, turning to close the door.  "But I didn't give you permission."

            Carter turned his attention back to the blonde-haired girl.  Her eyes were just opening.

            "Hello, Mr. John," she said, stretching.

            He sighed.  "Good morning, sleepyhead."

            Jayleigh grinned.  "I had a dream about you."

            He smiled.  "Did you?  What was your dream about?"

            "I don't know what it means…" She scrunched up her cute little nose.  "But I was in a big room.  And you got somethin stuck in your back.  It looked like it hurt real bad.  And then they stuck a big needle in my arm…" She appeared to be thinking.  "I don't remember anything else."

            Carter smiled again.  She was describing the biopsy.  "That's a very weird dream."

            Jayleigh nodded.  She studied him for a moment.  "Your eyes are brown.  Like Mommy's."

            He closed his eyes and nodded.  _Like Mommy's.  Like yours…_  "Yes they are.  Very good.  Are you just learning your colors?"

            "No…" she said in a high-pitched voice.  "I just thought they looked a lot alike.  Are you my mommy's brother?"

            He could only laugh at this inquiry.  "No.  I'm not."

            Jayleigh's eyes twinkled.  "Are you her… cousin?"

            Carter grinned and shook his head.  "Nope."

            "Her uncle?"

            "Nuh-uh."

            "Are you her daddy?"

            His expression changed.  "No."

            There was a pause.  "Do I have to go back to that room?"

            "The one in your dream?" he asked.

            When Jayleigh nodded he responded, "Probably.  See, your sickness means you've got to have a lot done.  And today, you have to get what doctors call a bone marrow transplant."

            "Will it hurt?" she asked timidly.

            Carter frowned.  "I don't know.  I hope not.  The last thing I want is for you to be hurt."

            Abby had given him the permission to tell her the truth.  She claimed she still hated him, but she knew he wouldn't hurt her.  Carter decided long ago Abby was a confusing woman, and he stood by that reasoning today.

            "Do you know why Luka doesn't want you to call him daddy?"  he asked softly.

            "Because Lu-kah isn't my daddy.  Mommy told me that my daddy was a big, tall, handsome man that she loved very, very much.  But she said she loved Lu-kah too.  She said that my real daddy didn't love her back, so he left to go to lions' house.  And that's real far away.  But she told me that he was still a really good guy."

            The news shocked Carter, but he wasn't sure why.  "Your mommy told you all this?" he said unbelievingly.

            "Nah, she told Aunt Susan, but I heard her say it."

            Carter laughed.  "Oh. Okay."  He paused, then grinned smugly.  "So your daddy was a real looker, eh?"

            Jayleigh giggled.  "That's what my mommy said!"

            "Did Mommy tell you your daddy's name?" he inquired curiously.

            "She said that my last name is just like his.  But I don't know what that really means."  She crinkled her nose again.

            "Is your last name Carter?  Is that your name?  Jayleigh Carter?"

            Jayleigh nodded her head vigorously.  "Yeah!  How did you know?"

            He knew because Abby had given her his last name.

            "That's my name too.  John Carter."

            Her eyes widened.  "Really?  Mommy told Aunt Susan that's my daddy's last name!"

            Carter nodded slowly.  "Am I your friend, Jayleigh?"

            She grinned and nodded.  "You're my best friend, John!"

            He laughed quietly.  "Can I be your daddy too?"

Response to Reviews 

**Luby-Connor-Lizzy:** I hope this is soon enough for you…

**DreamChaser78: **Wouldn't have it any other way. Lol.  That's not a bad idea.  Oh, yes, yes!  I could have Carter throw Kovac up against the back wall on the roof, but miss and throw him off the roof!  And then… oh… never mind.

**Lauren: **Thank you much!  Updating as soon as I can.  Hope you liked the extended chapter. ;)

**Fariha Khan: ***Blushes*  Thank you!  Of course I'll continue!  It's the only thing I have half a mind to continue right now!  I've never updated this much so fast!  Still my number one reviewer! ;)

**ForeverCarby:** Of course!  I live for the stuff!

**Becky: **Incredibly, fantastically well?  WOW! Thank you SO much!

**Kattybaby2318: **Intense?  You mean like those cinnamon-flavored Jolly Ranchers?  Those are intense! …And so is my stepdad's chili… *groans* Lol…

**Poet2002:** (This is more a response to your email) Offended? Nah, it takes a lot to offend me.  I'm a very high-spirited person, despite my chronic depression! WOOHOO!

A/N: Well… that was longer than most of my chapters.  And I've gotta take the time out to say I love that song.  Billy Gilman has got the prettiest voice.  Too bad it's deeper now.  *Kills puberty* 

_*~LTDan~*_


	9. Streets of Heaven

A/N: Hopefully the bloody formatting will be better this time. I apologize for what the stupid thing did last time. *Growls*  I'd like to apologize for the long wait.  I feel bad for not posting sooner!  I knew spoilers, and I went hog wild telling everyone about them.  Thus, I had no time to post.

Disclaimer: I don't own noffin.  The song is **Sherrie Austin**'s.

_*~LTDan~*_

Hello God, it's me again. 2:00 a.m., Room 304.   
Visiting hours are over, time for our bedside tug of war.  
This sleeping child between us may not make it through the night.  
I'm fighting back the tears as she fights for her life.   
Well, it must be kind of crowded,  
On the streets of Heaven.  
So tell me: what do you need her for?  
Don't you know one day she'll be your little girl forever.  
But right now I need her so much more.  
She's much too young to be on her own;  
Barely just turned seven.  
So who will hold her hand when she crosses the streets of Heaven?   
Tell me God, do you remember the wishes that she made,  
As she blew out the candles on her last birthday cake?  
She wants to ride a pony when she'd big enough.  
She wants to marry her Daddy when she's all grown up.   
Well, it must be kind of crowded,  
On the streets of Heaven.  
So tell me: what do you need her for?  
Don't you know one day she'll be your little girl forever.  
But right now I need her so much more.  
She's much too young to be on her own;  
Barely just turned seven.  
So who will hold her hand when she crosses the streets of Heaven?   
Lord, don't you know she's my angel  
You got plenty of your own  
And I know you hold a place for her  
But she's already got a home  
Well I don't know if you're listenin'  
But praying is all that's left to do  
So I ask you Lord have mercy, you lost a son once too   
And it must be kind of crowded,  
On the streets of Heaven.  
So tell me: what do you need her for?  
Don't you know one day she'll be your little girl forever.  
But right now I need her so much more.  
Lord, I know once you've made up your mind,  
There's no use in beggin'.  
So if you take her with you today, will you make sure she looks both ways,  
And would you hold her hand when she crosses the streets of Heaven.   
The streets of Heaven.

_~Streets of Heaven_ by **Sherrie Austin**

Three days away from death and despair wasn't very bad.  The more time he had to spend with Jayleigh, despite the fact that she was on sleepers.  Of course, he would first have to find an excuse to leave post-op.

            "Nurse," he said when the African American woman entered the room.

            "Yes, Dr. Carter?" she asked, removing his pillow and shaking it vigorously.

            "Can I walk down the hall to see—"

            "No you may not.  You can lay there and rest."  She laid the pillow down on his bed again, but he sat straight up.  "_Doctor_ Carter," she said warning, stressing his title so it sounded like "Doc-tor".

            "I feel fine," he said in a monotone, remaining upright.

            "You've had surgery.  You've been cut open—lay down!"

            Carter scowled.  "My daughter has leukemia.  She is down the hall.  She just had my blood mixed in with her own via a very painful surgery.  _I_ feel fine.  Now, if you will just quit hovering over my back, I need to go check on her.  I am her father.  And I have every right to go look in," he said hotly.

            The nurse raised her eyebrows.  "Okay.  But it's your funeral if you're caught," she said, pursing her lips and walking back out of his room.

            Carter gratefully stood, adjusting his IV.  Once he felt comfortable with the pull-along tubes, he walked toward the door.  Quietly, he opened the door.  He poked his head out of the door, making sure no one was watching him.

            When the hallway proved to be clear, he allowed the door to creak shut behind him as he tiptoed out.  Carefully, silently, he made his way down the hallway to the blue-painted door on the right.  _Jayleigh_.

            He gently pushed open the barrier between him and his daughter, only to find another sitting amid them.  His funeral indeed.

            "Abby, I… I'll come back…" he said quickly, making to close the door again.

            "No."  Her tone was hard, as if she was bent on Carter's stay.

            "Um… okay."  He walked slowly back into the room, making his way to the opposite side of Jayleigh's bed. He should have known Abby would have been with her.  She had been her daughter for nearly two years now.

            Moments dragged by, as each of them study the sleeping girl, the only sounds were the steady intakes of her breath, and the incessant beeping of the monitor to Abby's left.

            "Will she…?"  Carter asked abruptly, unsure himself of what asinine thought caused him to voice such a question.

            Abby nodded sadly, looking anywhere but in his eyes.  "She'll be okay."

            Carter felt useless, sitting there, watching her sleep.  But he had possibly just saved her life.  He didn't see things that way.

            "I've missed so much of her life…" he mumbled.

            "I know."

            "But she didn't know how much I loved her…"  Carter didn't know if he were even talking about Jayleigh.

            "She had someone else to love her, John," said Abby softly, taking his hand in hers.

            Carter squeezed his eyes shut, trying to erase her words.  "I just wanted to be there.  I didn't want any of this to happen.  I wanted…"  He broke off as his voice began to waver.

            "I know you didn't.  I'm sure she knows too."

            Carter smiled slightly.  "Do you think she loves me too?"

            Carter looked up at Abby, waiting impatiently for a response.  He tried looking into her eyes, but she would not have it; she looked away, trying to no avail to appear indifferent.

            It seemed to take her ages to answer, but Carter was nonetheless pleased as she said in a shaky tone, "I'm sure she does."

            Carter removed his hand from Abby's.  _She_ sure as hell wasn't talking about Jayleigh.  She was talking about herself.

            "Jayleigh told me that you loved me," he blurted before he could help it.

            Abby's eyes swept over to his. She appeared to be lost for words.  Carter pitied her.  At the look on her sad face, he wished he had not said it.

            "Did she?"  she asked in a tiny, would-be calm tone.

            "I'm sorry…"  If Abby's voice was quiet, his was a fragile whisper.

            She frowned delicately, then her gaze shifted back to the golden-haired girl between them.

            "It's not fair…"

            Carter didn't know who she was talking to, but answered anyway.  "I know it isn't."

            He watched a single tear roll down her cheeks, trying to remember the last time he had seen her look so heartbreaking.  An image of her yawning came back to him, and he felt like smiling.  But he didn't.  Instead, he reached across the bed and took her hand in his.

            "I'm sorry," he muttered.  The doorknob suddenly became very interesting.

            "You couldn't have done anything."

            "I could have come back."

            "Don't do this to yourself."

            "Do what?  It's my fault."

            "How is your fault, John?"

            "I had the gene, didn't I?"

            His voice and anger were both beginning to rise.

            "There was no way to know."

            "Gene counseling.  Ever heard of it?"

            "John.  Gene counseling is for couples who know they're pregnant.  We didn't know."

            Carter leaned over the bedrail.  "We could have!  We… could have been more careful."

            Abby's face distorted.  "You don't want her?"

            "I didn't say that.  But you have to admit things would be a lot easier—"

            "CARTER!"  Abby bent over as well, her face as red as the sun going down outside.

            There was a squeak to Carter's left.  The door had opened.  Luka stood in the doorframe, looking, aghast, at the sight before him.

            "Am I interrupting something?" he half-spat.

            It became evident to Carter that his and Abby's faces were directly in front of each other.  It must have looked as if they were going to kiss from Luka's point of view.  Luka Kovac was getting on his last nerve.

Response to Reviews 

**Allison:** Sweet? Dammit… I don't like sweet stuff!  Well, yes, I do… but that's beside the point…

**MrsWyle:** *Grins*  All I can say. By the way – great name! ;)

**Jennifer: **Haha… well, if this chapter tells you anything, it should be that you're prolly gonna be right!

**Vicki: **Eek!  Soon? Sorry! I took like, a week! :(

**Starbright:** :) There you go! ;)

**Fariha Khan:** *Cries* I'm sorry I didn't update sooner!!  Two more friends hospitalized, busy schedule besides… bah.  Sorry!  Don't lose faith, o faithful one! ;)

**Lauren: **Probably…

**Luby-Connor-Lizzie: **No, no, I'm not good! Do you see how long it took me to get this chapter out?? :(

**AnnaSun: **Thank you very much! I appreciate your feedback.

**AnnaSun: **Hello again!  You just found it?  Well…. That's nice.  Er… something… Soon? I don't like that word anymore!

**Starbright: **I hope Carter can save his daughter too! o.O

**Peppercat: **Yeppers.  It's in my LJ, if you wanna see what I think.  Update… *whines* I feel guilty!

A/N: Here is a cookie!  Since… I won't be updating until next week.  Going on holiday.  *Growls*  I have a one-shot for you all when I get back, too! ;)

Carter: Stay _out_ of this Luka!

Luka: Abby is none of your business anymore.

Carter: How the hell can you say that?  She's the mother of my daughter!

Luka: Only—by—blood.

A/A/A/N: Have fun with it! :P


	10. Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better

A/N: Dedicated to… umm… the guy I 'talked to' on his birthday. You know who you are!

Disclaimer: ER is Michael Crichton's and NBC's.  I don't know who wrote the song, but it's from the Broadway play, _Annie Get Your Gun_

_I'm superior, you're inferior.   
I'm the big attraction, you're the small.   
I'm the major one, you're the minor one,   
I can beat you shootin', that's not all.   
anything you can do, I can do better.   
I can do any thing better than you.   
No you can't.   
Yes I can.   
No you can't.   
Yes I can.   
No you can't.   
Yes I can, yes I can.   
anything you can be I can be greater.   
soon er or lat er, I'm greater than you.   
No, you're not.   
Yes I am.   
No you're not.   
Yes I am.   
No you're not.   
Yes I am, yes I am.   
I can shoot a partridge with a single cartridge.   
I can get a sparrow with a bow and arrow.   
I can do most anything.   
Can you bake a pie?   
No.   
Neither can I.   
anything you can sing I can sing louder.   
I can sing anything louder than you.   
No you can't.   
Yes I can.   
No you can't.   
Yes I can.   
No you can't.   
Yes I can, yes I can.   
anything you can buy, I can buy cheaper.   
I can buy anything cheaper than you.   
Fifty cents.   
Forty cents.   
Thirty cents.   
Twenty cents.   
No you can't.   
Yes I can, yes I can.   
anything you can dig, I can dig deeper.   
I can dig anything deeper than you.   
Thirty feet.   
Forty feet.   
Fifty feet.   
Sixty feet.   
No you can't.   
Yes I can, yes I can.   
I can drink my liquor faster than a flicker.   
I can do it quicker and get even sicker.   
I can live on bread and cheese.   
And only on that?   
Yes.   
So can a rat.   
anything you can reach, I can go higher.   
I can sing anything higher than you.   
No you can't.   
Yes I can.   
No you can't.   
Yes I can.   
No you can't.   
Yes I can, yes I can.   
anyone you can lick, I can lick faster.   
I can lick anyone faster than you.   
With your fist?   
With my feet.   
With your feet?   
With an axe.   
No you can't.   
Yes I can, yes I can.   
Any school where you went, I could be master.   
I could be master much faster than you.   
Can you spell.   
No I can't.   
Can you add.   
No I can't.   
Can you teach.   
Yes I can, yes I can.   
I could be a racer, quite a steeple chaser.   
I can jump a hurdle even with my girdle.   
I can open any safe.   
With out being caught?   
Yes.   
That's what I thought.   
any note you can hold I can hold longer.   
I can hold any note longer than you.   
No you can't.   
Yes I can.   
No you can't.   
Yes I can.   
No you can't.   
Yes I can, yes I can.___

~_Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better_ from **Annie Get Your Gun**

Carter stood. "Yes, Luka, you are, actually."

"Really?" Luka said, now at Abby's side. He bent over and whispered to Abby in a voice Carter could barely hear, "What were you doing with him?"

"I wasn't doing anything, Luka."

Wrong answer.

Carter knew Luka's anger by heart. He knew it would only take an answer like that from his wife, fiancée, girlfriend -- whatever Abby was -- to get him angry. And by the look on his face as he slowly raised back up to a standing position, it was apparent he was, indeed, angry.

He looked Carter straight in the eye. "What were you doing with her?"

"I came to see Jayleigh – my daughter – and she was in here. We talked, and... and I got angry..."

Luka's face glowed in what was positively sheer anger. His jaws were flexing, but his mouth was closed. He took a single step towards Carter.

"Carter," said Abby before Luka had a chance to say, or do, anything.

"What is it, Abby?" he responded, not taking his eyes off of Luka.

"I think you should go."

Hell yeah, I should go! he thought nervously. He wondered if Luka would do anything. He had, afterall, saved his life two years ago. And he had repaid him for that by not telling him he fathered a daughter. And he raised his daughter to be his own.

"Why? I've got a right to see her," he responded hotly.

"John, please don't do this. Please."

Carter's anger was coming back. "Again - do what? I'm not doing anything!"

"Carter, will you shut up and leave her alone?" Luka's voice was even, but Carter could tell it was stressed.

He turned to him, only half aware of what he was saying. "Stay out of this, Luka!"

His eyes flashed. "Abby is none of your business anymore."

He could have thrown Luka out of the window at this point. "How the hell can you say that? She's the mother of my daughter!"

Carter knew he had stricken a nerve. Luka's teeth clenched, and so did his fists. He didn't move, but Carter knew this was only true because of his apparent rage.

"Only – by – blood," he managed.

He had had it. Carter threw himself at Luka, who was only three feet to his left. Luka fell backwards toward the door, but his fall was broken by the intubation tray. (Why, Carter thought briefly, is that there?) Carter began pummeling Luka's stomach, not really feeling or seeing anything he was hitting. He had wanted to hit him so many times, but Abby or Susan had always pulled him away. Always. This was his chance. Luka attempted to roll him over on his back, apparently wanting to steer clear of a fight, as always. But Carter shoved him off, and his back collided heavily with the radiator. Carter took no time in leaping at him again. As he did, he felt a hand grab the back of his hospital gown.

"Sit." Abby had hold of him. How on Earth she had managed to keep steady when she grabbed him, halfway off the ground, was beyond Carter.

Carter pulled away from her, but sat down as she went to latch onto him again.

"What the hell did you think you were doing, John?" she said angrily, quietly helping Luka to his feet.

"Did you hear what he said?" he asked incredulously, laughing mirthlessly.

Abby sighed, looking between a red-faced Carter and a slightly bloody Luka.

"One of you should leave. You shouldn't be... together for a few days..."

"I'll go," said Luka in a raspy whisper.

Carter's attention turned back to him. He hated him more than anyone he had ever hated at the moment.  He wasn't going to let Luka beat him.

"You know what?"  he said, standing to face him.  "Why don't you take my car?  It'll get you out of here faster than the el.  I'll come get it when I'm allowed out."  To top off his blatantly self-righteous act, he smiled smugly.

Luka shrugged.  "Okay."  He, too, didn't want to be outdone.

Carter smiled again.  "Keys are in my room.  Down the hall.  Two fifty-six."

"Thank you." And again.

"No problem."

"Goodbye."

"Have a nice night."

Luka walked out the door.  Within an hour's time, Carter would feel worse than he had in his life.

******

Carter and Abby had been in the same room together for forty-five minutes, but neither of them had said a word to the other.  Carter stroked Jayleigh's hair, and Abby held her hand, simply looking at her.

Of course, this peace didn't last long.  There was a knock on the door.  Abby, being the closest, got up and opened it.  Susan stood at the door, Gallant not far behind.

"Oh, Abby!"  Susan pulled Abby into a tremendously tight embrace.

            Gallant did not move.  He was staring at his shoes.  His hands were behind his neck, as if he needed to hold his head down.

            Carter carefully tucked his daughter's hair behind her tiny ears, and stood.  "What's going on?"

            Susan and Gallant both looked, almost frightened, at him.  But her attention quickly turned back to Abby.  She took her face in her hands, looking her in the eyes.

            "Abby," she said, apparently with a great amount of effort, "there's been an accident."

_Response to Reviews_

**CL_Curtis:** You likes? ^^ Talented?  Bah.  I'll tell you what I tell everyone else on a regular basis: I'm okay.  But I'm not as great as I'm told. ;) ER withdrawal?  ME TOO!  Hug your mommy.  It helps. Lol.

**AthleticCharmedOne: **Yes, yes you are loyal! :)  O, loyal one #2! :D

**Starbright: **Don't worry.  I don't like Luby very much. :)  But I'm not making any promises. *Hint hint* Do you like the number three? ;)

**CL_Curtis:  **Hello… again… yes, of course I used _Streets of Heaven_! I told you I would eventually, didn't I?

**Fariha Khan: **You made up the next chapter in your head?? Now I feel as though someone is reading this.  If I had to give out an award for best reviewer, it'd be you!

**MrsWyle: **Update faster? I'm trying… no promises.  (Did I mention I love your name??)

**CamiliaCarby: **We all hate Luka deep down inside.  Some of us don't know it.  (Like me, for example)  All of us know that he and Carter hate each other deep down inside too.  Thus, this chapter was born.  Carby is my life!  Would you mind settling for Star Reviewer #4? ;)

**Luby-Connor-Lizzy: ** Yeah, but it wasn't really writer's block that kept me from writing.  Hockey practice, band practice (yes, I'm a band nerd!), and two more friends put in the hospital.  Beh…

**AnnaSun: **Have I read that review somewhere before?? Lol… thanks, even if it is a simple copy-and-paste deal… :s lol

Cookie 

Abby: It's my fault!

Carter: No it's not.  If it's anyone's, it's mine.

Abby (hugging Carter): Don't try to blame yourself for this, too.

Carter (kissing her hairline):  Okay.


	11. Numb

A/N: "Hanging By A Moment" is my new favorite song. Byebye. *Blushes* Yeah, it's short! SORRY!

Disclaimer: Uhh… if I owned anything by now, Carter would already be back, Kem would have died in a fiery, painful accident (similar to the initial death of Evan in Final Destination 2, if not exactly like it!), Abby would have turned up pregnant with Carter's baby, and Doug Ross would make an amazing return!  Er… yes… that's right.  I'm a pathetically obsessed little person.  The song is **Linkin Park**'s.  It doesn't exactly fit, but it's called "Numb", which does fit.

*~LTDan~*

_Tired of being what you want me to be_

_Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface._

_Don't know what you're expecting of me_

_Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes_

_Every step that I take is another mistake to you._

_I've become so numb I can't feel you there._

_I've become so tired, so much more aware._

_I'm becoming this.  All I want to do_

_Is be more like me and be less like you._

_Can't you see that you're smothering me?_

_Holding too tightly, afraid to loose control_

_'Cause everything that you thought I would be_

_Has fallen apart right in front of you._

_Every step that I take is another mistake to you._

_And every second I waste is more than I can take._

_I've become so numb, I can't feel you there._

_I've become so tired, so much more aware._

_I'm becoming this.  All I want to do_

_Is be more like me, and be less like you._

_And I know I may end your feeling too._

_But I know you were just like me,_

_With someone disappointed in you._

_I've become so numb, I can't feel you there._

_I've become so tired, so much more aware._

_I'm becoming this, all I want to do_

_Is be more like me, and be less like you._

_I've become so numb, I can't feel you there._

_Tired of being what you want me to be._

_I've become so numb, I can't feel you there._

_Tired of being what you want me to be._

_~Numb_ by **Linkin Park**

Carter stood at the door, a numb shock all he could sense.  He watched through the small window as Dr. Pratt and Sam Taggert worked with everything they had on Luka.  He wasn't even aware of Abby fighting against Gallant and Susan to scrub in.  All he could feel was that odd, distant feeling.  Luka had been all right an hour ago… well, save for a few places Carter had inducted on him.

            He had never meant, never wanted, for this to happen.  He would feel terrible when this was all over.  Right now, there was no room for feelings.  Only numbness.  He could only see Luka bleeding out.  He could only hear an inner ringing.

And then, everything went blank.

******

            When his senses returned, he was standing in exactly the same spot, and Pratt stood in front of him, Abby at his side.

            "We worked as hard as we could on him, but there was severe damage to his kidneys and left lung, causing a great deal of internal bleeding.  We attempted to resuscitate several times, but we could not revive him.  I'm sorry."  Pratt was speaking to them like a normal patient's normal family members.  Was this hard for him, too?

            Carter felt Abby crash hard into his side, and he quickly, almost involuntarily, enveloped her in his arms.  It only took a second for her sobs to come.

            "I don't know what to do anymore," she said in a low whisper as Pratt walked away.

            "You carry on.  You be strong, Abby.  Don't let it get you down, right?  You'll break down… have no will to live.  You will… feel worse than you ever have in your life, but you can beat it."  He didn't really know where that little speech came from, but he meant every word.  He knew, from experience, that what he said was the truth.

            "I can't, John," she said in a muffled voice.

            "Yes you can.  I have faith."  He ran his fingers through her thick brown hair.

            "I'm glad you do… but I can't keep doing this.  I can't keep losing everything when I thought I was at the top of the world."  She looked up at him, a pitiful expression on her face.

            "If not for you, do it for Jayleigh… Do it for our daughter, Abby."

******

            "I need to go home."  Abby stood abruptly.

            Carter rubbed his eyes.  "Go on.  You've had enough to deal with today."

            Abby squeezed the keys to her apartment, appearing to be thinking.  "I can't go back there."

            Carter stood next to her.  "Home?"

            She turned to look at him, nodding slowly.  "I can't spend another day in his house.  I can't…"  She broke off as tears formed in her eyes.  She turned away from him.

            Carter put his hands on her shoulders.  "So go to your apartment."       

            Abby shook her head.  "I sold it when I moved in with Luka."

            He sighed, removing his hands.  He stepped over to the tiny table near the radiator, grabbing a set of keys.  He looked at them, unsure of himself.

            "Susan gave me these downstairs.  They were in the ignition of Luka's car.  He took mine afterall.  The brass key, next to the big square silver one—" he pulled it out, "—is the key to the front door of the mansion."

            Abby's face twisted with confusion.  "John," she said, "I can't sleep in your house."

            He couldn't keep a grin from forming on his face.  "You have before."  He looked over at Jayleigh.  "And I couldn't be happier for it."

            Abby laughed quietly.  "Me too."

            Carter stood next to her again.  He laced his fingers slowly together with hers, and for a moment, a second, they were joined together.  But she pulled away, looking at him intently.

            "John.  Not… stop.  I can't do this.  Not now.  Not yet."

            He pushed her hair behind her ear.  "I know.  I'm sorry."

            They stood there for eternal minutes, their feelings masked by the never-ending silence.  But Abby, again, interrupted it.

            "It's my fault."  She turned, leaning into his chest for the second time that night.

            "No it's not.  If it's anyone's, it's mine."  He kissed her hairline affectionately.

            "Don't blame yourself for this too,"  she said pleadingly.

            He couldn't say no to the look on her face.  God, he loved that face—he loved _her_.  So there was only one way to answer her.

            "Okay."

Response to Reviews 

*Coughs* Ehh… no access to the Internet when this chapter was written.  Sorry.  I will post them with the next update, promise!  So here is a cookie for your entertainment. ;)

Cookie 

Carter: You all act like you've seen a ghost.

Susan:  Are you sure you don't need another day off?

Carter:  Nope, why?

Susan:  Carter… your best friend… Luka… he's… _gone_.

A/N: Have fun, and remember to review! :D

_*~LTDan~*_


	12. U Got It Bad

A/N:  I'm going to write a sequel.  I've already planned what I'm gonna do it in, too. ;)  Another idea I have is writing this from Abby's POV.  Whadda you lot think?  By the way, feel free to bash Anne!  I don't like her either! :P

Disclaimer: Blah, blah, blah.  If you're on chapter twelve and you still think I'm trying to keep props… you're pathetically sad. :)  The song belongs to **Usher**.

*~LTDan~*

When you feel it in your body  
You found somebody who makes you change your ways  
Like hanging with your crew  
Said you act like you're ready  
But you don't really know  
And everything in your past - you wanna let it go  
I've been there, done it, fucked around  
After all that - this is what I found  
Nobody wants to be alone  
If you're touched by the words in this song  
Then baby...  
U got, u got it bad  
When you're on the phone  
Hang up and you call right back  
U got, u got it bad  
If you miss a day without your friend  
Your whole life's off track  
You know you got it bad when you're stuck in the house  
You don't wanna have fun  
It's all you think about  
U got it bad when you're out with someone  
But you keep on thinkin' bout somebody else  
U got it bad  
When you say that you love 'em  
And you really know  
Everything that used to matter, don't matter no more  
Like my money, all my cars  
(You can have it all back)  
Flowers, cards and candy  
(I do it just cause I'm... )  
Said I'm fortunate to have you girl  
I want you to know  
I really adore you  
All my people who know what's going on  
Look at your mate, help me sing my song  
Tell her I'm your man, you're my girl  
I'm gonna tell it to the whole wide world  
Ladies say I'm your girl, you're my man  
Promise to love you the best I can  
See I've been there, done it, fucked around  
After all that - this is what I found  
Everyone of y'all are just like me  
It's too bad that you can't see  
That you got it bad... hey  
U got, u got it bad  
When you're on the phone  
Hang up and you call right back  
U got, u got it bad  
If you miss a day without your friend  
Your whole life's off track  
You know you got it bad when you're stuck in the house  
You don't wanna have fun  
It's all you think about  
U got it bad when you're out with someone  
But you keep on thinkin' bout somebody else  
U got it bad  
U got, u got it bad  
When you're on the phone  
Hang up and you call right back  
U got, u got it bad  
If you miss a day without your friend  
Your whole life's off track  
You know you got it bad when you're stuck in the house  
You don't wanna have fun  
It's all you think about  
U got it bad when you're out with someone  
But you keep on thinkin' bout somebody else  
U got it bad

Carter's rotations started back the same day Jayleigh was taken off her sleepers, she could go to Luka' funeral.  Carter was nervous about her awakening; he had told her she was his daughter right as he was dragged out of the room so they could be prepped for surgery.

            He took the El to work this morning: his car had been completely totaled in Luka's accident.  He planned to ask Susan that day what had happened in the wreck.

            Stepping into the E.R. was like stepping onto a stage in a room full of people.  Frank, Susan, and Gallant all stood around admit.  Their eyes landed on him, and he could sense sympathy in their gazes.

            He was not going to take sympathy.

            "You all act like you've seen a ghost."

            Bad idea.

            "Are you sure you don't need another day off?"  said Susan worriedly, wearing a bigger frown than either Gallant or Frank.

            Carter stuck his hands in his pockets, shrugged, and said,  "Nope.  Why?"

            "Carter… your best friend… Luka… is… _gone_," said Susan quietly.

            He began examining the board.  "What's your point?"

            Susan stood by him, looking at the side of his head.  "Abby isn't coming in today.  Take the day off.  Come back tomorrow, when everything's over."

            Carter groaned.  "I've been off for three days.  I can't afford to take off today!"

            Susan gave him a playful shove.  "Oh, gee, I forgot how much you needed today's—what?—sixty bucks.  I didn't realize that your survival was dependant on working today!" she shouted melodramatically.

            Carter flattened his hair, which Susan had just mockingly tousled.  Of course, there was no dramatic difference; his hair never laid flat.

            "Fine, fine.  I'll take the day off.  Just promise not to shove me again."  He grinned and rubbed his upper arm.

            She smiled.  "You know I can't do that."

            Carter was walking out the door when he remembered.  "Susan?" 

            "How may I help you?" she asked, smiling.

            "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

            "Well, I'll give you fifty-nine seconds.  Will that work?" she said, managing to keep a straight face.

            Carter nodded slowly.  He glanced over at Frank and Gallant, both of whom were still looking between him and Susan.

            "To the lounge, my fair lady?"

            "But of course, monsieur."

            Once the door was closed, Carter sat down heavily.  "Tell me what happened."

            Susan studied him curiously for a moment.  "With what?"

            He frowned slightly.  "Luka."

            Susan drew a deep breath, preparing to impart her knowledge.  She went on to explain that Luka had apparently been driving at dangerously high speeds.  The EMTs suspected that he had merely taken a corner too sharp, causing the car to swerve out of his control.  He flipped over.  The car, being so small and compact, pinned him in-between the seat, the deflated airbags, steering wheel, and door.  There was no possible way he could have gotten out.  He had a hemorrhage, which was the cause of death; he was practically DOA.  Had the EMTs arrived fifteen minutes sooner, they could have been able to resuscitate and given him a transfusion to temporarily repair the kidneys.  The lung could have been transplanted.  He could have lived.

            Carter thanked Susan, and wandered out of the E.R., into the ambulance bay.

******

            Luka's lowering would be held at seven.  Carter had planned to take off at five, but since he was not working at all, he simply sat at home until then.  He couldn't remember the last time he had been so bored.  The TV had never been used so much.

            "Survivor, Wolf Blitzer, Road Rules, Spongebob, Days of Our Lives — what do people watch these days?" he said, laughing and settling for the Bears game.

            He realized he hadn't watched television in over two years.  He knew nothing of half of the players on the field.  The quarterback's name was Allan Christopher, a guy Carter had never heard of.

            Sighing at his lack of knowledge, he got up off the couch.  He made his way through the house to the refrigerator.  _Ahh…_ he thought, pulling out a bottle of beer.  _How long has it been?_  Grinning, he opened the bottle and returned to the football game.

            The battle was half-empty when the phone rang.  "Carter residence.  John Carter speaking."

            "No shit," said the person on the other end.

            He smiled.  "Pratt?  What's up?"

            Carter heard him laugh.  "Man, Jing-Mei's got a girlfriend down here, and…" he paused, "_damn_."

            Carter knew what he was getting at, but didn't let on.  "Couldn't hold it in?  _Had_ to tell someone?" he joked.

            "Yeah, somethin' like that.  Nah, man, you should come down here and see her.  She's single," he said in a somewhat teasing tone.

            Carter didn't _want_ to meet her.  He didn't want a new relationship.  He preferred to be alone, if he couldn't have Abby.  But then, his immature side argued that Pratt (and everyone else who caught wind of it, for that matter) would make a huge joke once he figured out he had turned down a girl that could only be described as "damn" because he had never stopped loving Abby.

            "Okay.  I'm going to Luka's thing at six.  I gotta come back here by four.  Does she mind?"

            "Lemme check."  He heard Pratt ask in a barely audible voice,  "Anne, can you hop a funeral at six?  He's gotta be at his place to get ready at four."  He had apparently turned back to the phone.  "Yeah, she's game."

            Carter sighed, running a hand through his hair.  "I'll be right there."

******

            "I'm Anne."

            "John Carter.  They call me Carter.  Not sure how that happened, but they do."

            Pratt was right… "damn", indeed.  Anne was tall, around 5"8', putting her six inches shorter than Carter himself.  She had dark skin, eyes, and hair.  She was beautiful, to put it in simple Laymen's terms.

            "Want to get a cup of drink? he asked, nodding towards the door.

            She smiled. (_Oh God_, he thought.)  "Sure.  But I'm not from around here… do you know where the best place to go is?"

            Her voice was beautiful.  Her teeth were perfect.  What could be better?

            "Sure do.  Ike's.  Just around the corner."  _Ahh… and smile…_ She latched onto his arm.  _Bingo._

******

            "Tell me about yourself, John," she said, her hand on her Styrofoam cup.

            He tilted his head to the side, thinking.  "Well… I'm thirty-four.  I… uh… live in the city.  Jayleigh, my daughter, is almost three—"

            "You have a daughter?"  Her smile returned.

            "Yeah.  She's the love of my life."  _And I've known her less than a week._

            "That's really sweet of you to put your daughter first.  I really respect that."

            He smiled, and she returned the expression again.

            "What's your weakness?" she said.

            _Abby, Abby, Abby, Abby, Abby._

            "I don't know… my daughter is someone I won't let anyone… I don't know… talk bad about… you know?"

            "And you shouldn't."  She pouted her lips.

            "And I don't."  He smiled again.

            "Can I ask you a personal question?" she asked in a more serious tone.

            "Shoot.  I'm all answers."

            "Who's Jayleigh's mother?"

            _Damn it._

            "You know Dr. Lockhart in the E.R.?"

            Anne's brow furrowed.  "I've not met her… but I've heard a lot about her."

            He turned his head to the side again.  "She is."

            "Oh…"

            Carter glanced at his watch.  "Ten 'til four.  Do you want me to take you back to County, or do you wanna go to my friend's lowering?"

            "Would you care if I went with you?"

            "Not at all."

A/N: PHEW! Don't kill me!  I do not like her.  I am aware she's a Mary-Sue so far… but that's the whole idea!

Response to Reviews 

**Hollymolly:**  I didn't think about it being confusing… lol. I'm just blonde! :P

**Bluecake: **Yes, GO CARBY! :D Anti-Luby too?  Haha… I have nothing against Luka, but I hate that ship!

**Flufflover: **Carby love indeed.  

**MrsWyle: **(whose name is still the best!) No, Luka's not dead… I prefer to think of it as "a near-death experience gone out of hand", yeah.  Actually… I've never been one to have an all-happy fic (unless it's fluff, but I think I've only written one… yeah, one of those).  Killing off characters is my favorite pastime!

**Tiuwiu: ** Wait no more, for Alexa is here! *Superman pose* Lol, ridicule me… I'm stupid! Haha.

**Kelly:** Thank you a million times over! :D

**CL_Curtis: **You don't have to wait anymore, either. ;)  Now… what's your friend's cousin's email address?  I wanna be able to say I know someone on ER!  *Pouts*  LOL.

**DreamChaser78: **Yeah, I know it was shady.  It was supposed to be in that particular chapter. ;)

**Leannan-S: ***Coughs*  I will not say anything for certain…

**Lauren: **Thank you. ;)

**Carbylobsterandavrilfan: **You know when she goes back to the Congo at the end of the season?  I'm for her plane crashing!

**K-Daawg: **Thank ya much, mate. :)

**Luby-Connor-Lizzy:** Pain, suffering, death, angst… no, you can't get through any fanfic of mine without AT LEAST one of those four 'essentials'. ;)

**AnnaSun: ***Keeps it up* This IS heavy you know…?

**CamilaCarby: **You're not alone.  Do you get it now?

**Jordan-Cavanaugh: **You don't like Luka?? I can name about ten fangirls who would wanna kill you.  And… opp! There they go! Heh. Yeah.  I like an angry Carter.  It's… hot… and… stuff… er…

**Fariha Khan: **You are special!  ;) Where was your review for chapter 11, o faithful 1?

**MrsWyle:** Of course it's the law!  Well, it is in 48 states.  I think Hawaii and North Dakota still permit her to love Luka.  Not positive.  It could be South Dakota… *Skips off to check*

**CamilaCarby: **Hey-ho, #4! :D  Lol, I'm insane… Thanks for the review, matey.

**AnnaSun: **Hey, that was great, thanks.

**Luby-Connor-Lizzy:** No, I didn't make any sense out of that… something along the lines of updating another chapter sooner… I think.  But, yeah, Luka had to go.  :-\

**Starbright:** Yes I did kill Luka! *Coughs* Sorry.

**Kattybaby2318:** That's gotta be the funniest thing I've ever read…

**CL_Curtis: **Go me! Yeah, that's right!  :D

Cookie 

Carter: How do you feel?

Jayleigh: I feel sad that Lu-kah left.  He took me to the park lots.  He let me ride the choo-choo train there.  Will you take me to the park and let me ride the choo-choo… umm… Daddy?

Carter: Of course.  But you'll have to get better first, okay?

Anne: What's wrong with her?

Carter: Acute-angle leukemia. …

A/N: There we go! All done! Nighty-night!  Oh yeah… did anyone else watch on 'upcoming on ER' the scene where Carter and Kem kissed?  Did anyone else have a handful of their own/someone else's hair in their hands?  Yes?  Thought so. ;)

_*~LTDan~*_


	13. My Immortal

A/N: Sorry it took ages to update.  I've been down for a few days with RSV and virtually everything else under the sun.  Do you know how hard it is to write a fanfic when your body temperature is 103.4 degrees?  By the way:  I threw a rubberband, a cough drop, and a plastic toy soldier at Kem.  I hit her every time! YAY!  What did you throw?

***Anyone who hates Kem as much as me, talk to me on MSN messenger: LTDan_81@hotmail.com, and I'll see about getting you in the Anti-Kem Mob. :P***

Disclaimer: Nothing's mine, yada, yada, yada.  The song belongs to **Evanescence **.

_*~LTDan~*_

I'm so tired of being here  
suppressed by all of my childish fears  
and if you have to leave  
i wish that you would just leave  
because your presence still lingers here  
and it won't leave me alone   
these wounds won't seem to heal  
this pain is just too real  
there's just too much that time cannot erase  
when you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
when you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
and I've held your hand through all of these years  
but you still have all of me  
you used to captivate me  
by your resonating light  
but now I'm bound by the life you left behind  
your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams  
your voice it chased away all the sanity in me  
these wounds won't seem to heal  
this pain is just too real  
there's just too much that time cannot erase  
when you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
when you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
and I've held your hand through all of these years  
but you still have all of me  
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
and though you're still with me  
I've been alone all along

_~My Immortal_  by **Evanescence**

Carter and Anne stepped out of the cab, cool November air slapping their faces and tousling their hair.  He took her hand and led her to the middle of the cemetery where a crows of people stood under and around a green tent.

"John!"  Abby's voice called to him as he made his way up to the mob.

"Hey,"  he said, though he was looking at Jayleigh, whom Abby held in her arms.  He turned to Anne.

"Abby, this is Anne.  She's a friend of Deb and Pratt.  Anne, this is Abby Lockhart… the four of us work together."

Anne smiled and shook Abby's hand.  Though she returned the gesture, Carter could see what Abby really thought of Anne in her eyes.

"So you're Abby?  Greg, John, and Jing-Mei have already told me about you."  Her eyes swept to the blonde-haired toddler laying her head on Abby's shoulder.  She looked at Carter.  "Is this your little girl?"

Carter nodded proudly, like the new father he was.  "That's my Jayleigh."

Abby gave him her _Oh is she?_ look, eyebrows high on her forehead.

"Can I have her?"  Carter asked, disregarding her expression and holding out his arms.

Abby gave no response; instead, she carefully detached the small girl from her shoulder, placing her deftly in Carter's hands.

Jayleigh stirred a bit, looking up at him.  She smiled sweetly.  "I had another dream about you."

He put his lips to her forehead.  "Did you?  What was this one about?"

"You and Lu-kah got real mad and you hurt him.  But then Mommy told you to stop it, and you did."

Carter now understood why parents did not ask their children questions in public.

"What a bad dream."  He pulled her closer to him.  "How do you feel?"

She sighed.  "I feel sad that Lu-kah left.  He took me to the park lots.  He let me ride the choo-choo train there.  Will you take me to the park and let me ride the choo-choo, umm… Daddy?"

He would have smiled, if not for the fact that his daughter was telling him the sweetest things about a man whose funeral had been held the day before.

"Of course.  But first, you'll have to get better, okay?"

She nodded.

Anne, who had been watching their bonding quietly said, "What's wrong with her?"

He frowned sadly.  "Acute-angle leukemia.  I donated marrow, but… she has to recover from the surgery before she can do anything."

Anne gasped slightly.  "Oh!  John, I'm sorry."

Carter shrugged his left shoulder, and was about to reply when the Minister's voice cut him off.  

            "Later."

******

            "…Luka was the only person I ever loved.  I miss him so much."  A young woman called Mary stood between the crowd and Luka's flag-draped coffin.

            Carter stood behind Abby, his hands wrapped protectively around her neck as she cried silently.  Anne was next to him, simply looking at the Minister and not saying anything.  Jayleigh held tight to Carter's leg, neither of her parents able to hold her.

            Mary took her place in the crowd again, and Abby turned to look at Carter.

            He smiled at her, and squeezed her shoulders.  "You'll do fine."  He kissed the top of her head reassuringly, and let go of her.

            Abby walked up to the spot where Mary had been standing.  She cleared her throat, and looked around.  Carter picked up Jayleigh, nodding at Abby supportively. 

"I started working at County General Hospital seven years ago.  Everyone was… great to me.  You couldn't ask for better people.  But one person sticks out in my mind clearer than anyone else.  And that person is Luka Kovac.

            "I'm Abby Lockhart.  I was his fiancée."

            That cleared up a lot.

"Luka and I were friends for a while.  Great friends.  It didn't take long to… to fall in love."  Carter met her eyes, then let them fall to the ground.  He had taken Abby away from Luka then.

            "But we changed and grew apart.  We were friends again.  I started seeing someone else.  His name was Dr. John Carter, and he and Luka were close.  Luka was so supportive of us, despite his past with the both of us.  He was so… understanding.  

            "Then John went to Africa on business, and we went our separate ways too.  I had John's baby girl, and Luka cared for us.  He took us in and loved us both more than we deserved.  He loved my little girl like his own.  He would have done anything in the world for her."

            Carter clung tightly to Jayleigh, the small girl who didn't know how much love she had.

            "Luka was also one of the most dedicated doctors I've ever met.  He worked the E.R. with a passion I've never seen in anyone before.  He made each case personal.  He would stop at nothing to prevent patient care.  Everyone at work loved him… We all respected him.  He was great at what he done.  And he'll be remembered for a long time to come for his work."

            Abby paused, and looked at the faces of the coworkers that had showed up for the lowering.  Carter smiled softly when her eyes landed on him.

            "Luka Kovac was one of the best people I've ever known.  If there was anyone so undeserving of death… it was him.  I'll never forget him, and I'll always love him."  Abby smiled briefly, bit her bottom lip, and joined Carter again.

            Carter, who had given a short speech earlier, grinned and nodded his approval.  He hugged her warmly, in nothing more than a friendly manner, let her go, stood back, and broadened his smile.

            "You were great."

Response to Reviews 

**Her Royal Heighness: **You spelled your name wrong.  Did you know?  Haha.  Well, I did write you in.  You did get to say how much you loved Luka.  Happy?

**Fariha Khan:** Yes.  They should get together, shouldn't they? :)  Will Anne be around for the whole story?  Hmm… I don't know about that. ;)

**Snoops: **Thank you!  What a nice review. :)  Carter took Anne to Luka's funeral because he's… well… we'll say I like to let the gullible, naïve Carter from season one show through now and then.  Get what I mean? ;)  Thank you greatly for your review!

**Luby-Connor-Lizzy:** Yes, Anne is evil.  But so is Kem.  Care to join the Anti-Kem Mob?  *Grins at Chrysti*  It's great fun.  Leave your MSN name, and we'll get up with you. :D

**CarbyWriter:** I should hope we're not losing Carby in this story!  Well, just for a bit.  Maybe.  Oh, we'll see.  As for losing Carby on TV… have you read any spoilers?  Check some out for the next episode.  It's called "NICU".  I think you might enjoy them…

**Starbright:** I can promise a happy ending. :)  That's all I can do, though.

**AylaYAY:** Oh yes.  Oh, yes!  It's working!  No one likes her!  *Dances*  I'm so proud of myself now…

**Kate:**  Oh, I didn't look when they kissed last Thursday.  I covered up my eyes with my mommy's blanket and threw things at her! :)

**MauraT:** If you saw last Thursday's episode, my friend, you saw the dreaded kiss.  It was in there.  But I didn't watch that scene.  Did you see the look Carter was giving Kem, though?  It made me wanna throw up.  My mommy thought it was cute.  It's only cute if he's giving it to Abby!

**AnnaSun:** Thanks, as usual.  No prob, as usual.

**Peppercat:** There you are!  I've been looking all over for you!  Nope, I'm not done with our cutesy little Carter-Abby byproduct.  :)

**CARTERJOHN:** Welcome back, stranger!  I read your fic, but my review button is screwed up.  Sorries. :(


	14. I Melt

A/N: If you've read the LotR trilogy, and have seen the movies – what did you think?  Oh yeah, Chrysti – I didn't use the Gary Allan lyrics in this chapter, as it didn't turn out like I thought it would (I spent too much time on Carter/Abby interaction), but I WILL use it in the next chappie.  I know these lyrics are a _bit_ inconsistent, but you get the gist of it, right?

Disclaimer: ER is the wonderful Michael Crichton's.  The song is **Rascal Flatts**'

When you light those candles   
Up there on that mantle, setting the mood   
Well, I just lie there staring   
Silently preparing to love on you   
Well, I can feel the heat from across the room   
Ain't it wild what a little flame can make you wanna do   
I melt every time you look at me that way   
It never fails, anytime, any place   
This burn in me is the coolest thing I've ever felt   
I melt   
Don't know how you do it   
I love the way I lose it, every time   
What's even better   
Is knowing that forever you're all mine   
The closer you get, the more my body aches   
One little stare from you is all it takes   
I melt every time you look at me that way   
It never fails, anytime, any place   
This burn in me is the coolest thing I've ever felt   
I melt

_I melt every time you look at me that way   
It never fails, anytime, any place   
This burn in me is the coolest thing I've ever felt   
I melt  
Every time you look at me that way   
I melt, I melt_

_~I Melt_ by **Rascal Flatts******

Jayleigh was out of the hospital on December the fourth.  It had been three months since her initial institutionalization.   Carter was meeting with Abby during his break later that day.  They were to discuss custody.

            At the time, though, he was leaning over an MVA/multiple GSW, bleeding out.  These cases, the nearly impossible ones, were always the hardest.

            "Clear!  Clamp him," he said to the med student behind him.

            The student nodded nervously and done as he was told.

            Nothing.

            "Again.  Clear!"  Carter commanded.

            The monitor's screen showed the same green line, and screamed the same piercing cry.

            "What's his pulse?" Carter said, taking the paddles from the med student.

            The student checked, and shook his head.  "Zero over zero.  He's gone."

            "Time of death?"  Carter asked, removing his gloves.

            "12:06 p.m.," the med student said, sounding forlorn.

            Carter sighed.  "Sometimes there's nothing you can do," he told him as the room cleared of nurses and Pratt.  "But most times there is.  And they are the ones that make you feel good about yourself.  But others… you learn from them."

            ******

            It was five o'clock before Carter could get a break.  He rang Abby, who had been given a rare day off.  They were to meet in Doc Magoo's for lunch, even though Carter had never really considered Doc Magoo's "food" to be actual food.

            He was sitting down at one of the booths lining the walls.  He absently fiddled with a napkin; folding it into different shapes.  He didn't know why he was nervous.  He had nothing to be nervous about.  It was just Abby.

            He looked up and saw her walking his way.  He grinned involuntarily, unaware of how incredibly silly he looked:  smiling goofily, still folding his napkin, and his eyes glazed over.  He loved her.  God, he loved her.

            "Hey," she said, sliding into the seat in front of him.  She wore a pair of jeans, a sky-blue cardigan over a white tee, and a soft smile.

            His voice caught in his throat for a split second, but he slipped out a barely audible "hi" into the conversation.

            "So…" she said slowly, looking him in the eyes.  "Custody?"

            Carter waited for her to say something herself, but when she didn't he said, "I was thinking a week apiece for now," he said matter-of-factly.  "But if that doesn't work for you—" he added hastily.

            "Don't worry, John.  It works fine.  I thought this might take a while to decide… but it didn't, so…"

            He nodded his head, quick to agree with anything she had to say.

            "You know, if you want to take her tonight, you can come by and pick her up."

            Carter felt like jumping up and kissing her, as he usually did, but decided against it.  Instead, he said, "You'd let me keep her over night?  Really?"

            Abby looked at him for a minute.  She appeared to be thinking deeply.  "Why wouldn't I?  She's yours, too.  Keep her the rest of the week, John."

            "Thank you, Abby.  You don't know… you don't know what this means to me."

******

            "C'mon, Kerry, give me the rest of the night off…" he practically whined to Weaver.           

            "Carter, I've told you once that you can't just leave out of here to spend time with your girlfriend."

            Carter chuckled slightly.  "Girlfriend?  I'm going to pick up Jayleigh!"

            "Abby's daughter?" was her quick reply.  "Why are you going to pick her up?"

            Weaver had a way of being nosy… And stupid, Carter thought.

            "She's spending the week with me," he responded dully.  _Why doesn't she already know this?_  _I was sure Abby had told the whole hospital I was her father!_

            Weaver was opened her mouth to say something, but then closed it.  She looked him over for a moment.

            "_You're her father_?"

            Carter nodded, trying to no avail to keep himself from smiling.  "Yes."

            Weaver looked like she was going to smile, which was quite frightening in Carter's eyes.

            "Go get her, then."

            _And her love for Henry wins out!_ Carter thought, smiling.  He knew he and Weaver didn't see eye to eye most times, but she was a parent, and so was he.  Carter supposed they both recognized that as a subject they agreed on.

            ******

            Carter found himself knocking at the apartment Abby had recently bought around eight o'clock.

            "Abby!" he yelled at the closed door.  "It's me!"

            He waited a moment, and she opened it for him.  "Hey.  Come in."

            Carter stepped through the door, and a curly-haired tot came running up to him, her light brown eyes alight with joy.

            "Daddy!"  she said, latching onto his legs in an instant.

            Every time he heard that simple word from his daughter, his heart skipped a beat as reality sunk in time after time.

            "Hi, Angel."  He picked her up and performed his ritualistic kiss on the forehead.  "I missed you."

            Her tiny arms slid around his neck.  "Mm… I missed you too."

            Carter turned to Abby.  "She ready?"

            Abby nodded, and left the room.  Carter wondered if he were taking her too soon.  Maybe he should have sat down for coffee first?  _She should have asked_, he decided.

            Abby came back with two bags in her hand, each full to the busting.

            "She's only staying a week, Abby."  He laughed slightly.

            Abby set the bags down in front of him.  "I know… but I like to know she's taken care of…"

            Carter could have easily taken that as an insult, but chose not to.  "Okay, then."  He looked at Jayleigh, sitting on his right arm.  "You ready to go?"

            "Yep!"

            He grinned.  "Well, you better get down so I can grab your stuff, okay?"  

            He bent over, and she slid out of his arms.  He picked up the bags, and looked down to Jayleigh, then up to Abby.

            "She have a stroller or something?" he asked.

            "Yeah… let me get it…" she responded, and left the room again.

            Jayleigh was sitting on the floor, pulling at the carpet.  "I'm gonna live with Daddy, I'm gonna live with Daddy…" she sang in her breath.

            Carter bit his lip and smiled.  He was so happy with his daughter.  He loved her more than anything.  The only thing that would make his life any more perfect would be Abby.  But, for reasons he was unsure of, that couldn't happen.

            Abby came back with a folded up stroller tucked under her arm.  "This is it."

            Carter took it from her, and there was an awkward silence.  They reverted their gazes to Jayleigh, who continued to sing.

            "You know, you should look into getting a car soon.  I don't like her on the El," muttered Abby.

            Carter shrugged his left shoulder.  "Don't worry about her, okay?  I've got it under control.  Besides…  I'm waiting for the insurance to come through on my XLR…" he said in an equally quiet tone.

            Abby's face hardened, and Carter knew she was thinking about Luka.

            "Well," he said, a bit loudly.  "It's getting late, and she should be up to bed already."

            Abby nodded, and smiled an obviously forced smile.  She pulled Jayleigh up to a standing position.  She kissed her on the cheek, and Jayleigh said, "muah!"

            "I love you, honey.  Be good, okay?  Don't put up a fuss for Daddy.  Remember to take your medicines.  And I'll see you next week.  Alright?"

            "Okee, Mommy."  Jayleigh pecked Abby's lips.  "Bye-bye.  Love ya lots!"

            Carter placed her in the stroller, and stuffed one of the bags in the bottom of it.

            "Well – I think this is it.  See you tomorrow.  Let's go, Jays."

**Response to Reviews**

**TazManiac:** Hiya!  Thankies for reviewing!  :D  Of course she's still stuck on him… she's Abby!

**Rock Lobster:** I like the beard.  I don't like it as much as five o'clock shadow, but I do like it.  Then again, I've been obsessed with Noah Wyle/Carter since 1994, so I'd say that.  I'm glad you're… here mentally. :D  I think we all hate Kem.  Can we all hate Anne, too?  I left her out of this chapter 'cause two chapters with her in it is TOO MUCH.

**Jordan_Cavanaugh: **Kem should die.  Yeah?  Yeah.

**Feefsmall:** Really?  Thanks!  I thought I was being uber-predictable.  Guess not!  Thank ya much.  Oh yeah – it's Anti-Kem _Mob_.  Not much of a club.  Not 'zactly organized…****

**Carbylobsteravrilfan:** Fuzz… I like that term.  In the Harry Potter fandom-verse (which I've had years of experience with – just see my profile), we call it "fluff".  So… yeah.

**Your momma's cousin's brother's uncle's stepson, dip shit:** PJ, hun, get a life.  And get off the drugs!

**MrsWyle:** You missed me?  Aww… huggles!  I'm back, and I'll prolly be updating a lot due to the winter hols.  Sooo… yeah. :)

**Kattybaby2318:**  Yes, I know he's a bit of a dummy.  He broke up with Abby and is engaged to Kem.  No sane person does that…

**CamilaC:** Ohh… mucho spoilers!  I'm very, very, very excited about the finale/next season.  I just want this stupid Kem business to end.  Now.  After that, if/when Carter and Abby get back together, the only thing that could make it better is if Malucci came back.  *Sighs* Only Kerry the lesbian could fire him…

**AnnaSun:** Thank ya much, m'lady.

**Luby-Connor-Lizzy:** You should have taped it!  You should've!  And it's free to download MSN… um… I think the free version is up to six now.  Yeah, V.6.  You can dl it at :)

**Lily:** Oh, but I did throw things at 'chickadee'!  Anything handy, yep.  Rubberband, toy soldier, cough drop…

**Lily:** Thank you!  And DR/CH kinda gives you hope fro JC/AL, doesn't it?

**Starbright:** *Coughs* We'll see.

A/N: Leave a review, will ya?  It'll be appreciated… and, as always, answered! :)


	15. Tough Little Boys

 A/N: This is one of the best songs in the world.  Y'all need to download it.  Anyway – I might not be updating for a while… I've got another project I'm working on.  *Sigh*  That's the reason I've not been updating while.  However, there's a bright side!  My friend asked me to make a website demoting Kem. Here it is. (Remember – NO _www._ When  you type it into the address bar.)

Anti-kem-mob.cjb.net 

Disclaimer: You know the drill.  The song is **Gary Allan**'s.

_*~LTDan~*_
    
    _I never once, backed down from a punch._
    
    _I'd take it square on the chin._
    
    _Well I found out fast a bully's just that and you got to stand up to him._
    
    _So I didn't cry when I got a black eye as bad as it hurt I just grinned._
    
    _But when tough little boys grow up to be Dads_
    
    _They turn into big babies again._
    
    _Scared me to death when took your first steps,_
    
    _Well I'd fall every time you fell down._
    
    _Your first day of school, _
    
    _I cried like a fool, I followed your school bus to town._
    
    _Well I didn't cry when ol Yeller died _
    
    _at least not in front of my friends._
    
    _But when tough little boys grow up to be_
    
    _Dads they turn into big babies again._
    
    _Well I'm a grown man and as strong as I am._
    
    _Well sometimes it's hard to believe,_
    
    _One little girl with little blonde curls can totally terrify me._
    
    _If you were to ask my wife would just laugh ,_
    
    _she'd say I know all about men,_
    
    _how tough little boys grow up to be Dads _
    
    _they turn into big babies again._
    
    _Well I know one day I'll give you away _
    
    _and I'm goin to stand there and smile._
    
    _When I get home and I'm all alone,_
    
    _I'll sit in your room for awhile._
    
    _Well I didn't cry when ol Yeller died _
    
    _at least not in front of my friends._
    
    _Cause when tough little boys grow up to be_
    
    _Dads they turn into big babies again_
    
    _when tough little boys grow up to be_
    
    _Dads they turn into big babies again.___
    
    _~Tough Little Boys_ by **Gary Allan**
    
                   "Wake up, sleepyhead," whispered Carter, sitting on the edge of the couch.
    
                   "Time-a go already?" responded Jayleigh, rolling over on her back.
    
                   "Nope, you've gotta take your meds."
    
                   "Aww…." she whined.  "Whaffor?"
    
                   "To make you better so we can go out," he said, smiling down at her.
    
                   "Where?"
    
                   "Hm… can't say.  It's a surprise."
    
                   She lit up.  "A surprise!"
    
                   "Yep."
    
                   "Go now?"  she said excitedly, sitting up.
    
                   Carter shook his head.  "Nope.  You've got to take your meds first."
    
                   She stuck out her bottom lip and batted her eyelashes in a nearly effective puppy-dog look.  Which was actually saying something, as the person she was trying to hoodwink was a well-experienced doctor.
    
                   "That's not gonna work, kiddo."  He laughed a bit.  "Here you go."
    
                   He took her medicine off the table, and gave her a trainer cup of Coke to take it all down with.  She sighed once, and took it without a word.
    
                   Carter disheveled her hair.  "See, that wasn't so bad."  He hoisted her up off of the couch and placed her across his shoulder.  He felt her biting into his shoulder.  Taking it as a small child's behavior, he disregarded it.
    
                   "Hungry, much?"  he asked her, carrying her to the kitchen.
    
                   "Huh?" she said as he placed her in the chair next to his usual one.
    
                   "Do you want some breakfast?" he said, forgetting that the two-year-old didn't understand his adults' sense of humor.
    
                   "Mhm… panakes?"  she looked up at Carter.
    
                   He smiled.  "Just a minute.  Sit still."
    
                   Carter checked the cupboards, looking for pancake mix.  Of course, he didn't have any.
    
                   "I don't have any pancakes, Jays," he said, pulling out the seat next to her and sitting in it.
    
                   "No panakes?"  she repeated sadly.
    
                   He frowned.  "No… we could go to McDonalds.  Want to do that?"  
    
                   If all truth be told, Carter hadn't set foot in a McDonalds in ages.
    
                   "Do they got panakes?"
    
                   His frown turned up at the edges to form a smile.  "Yep, they do."
    
                   "Ohh… okay, le's go!" Jayleigh said, jumping out of her seat.
    
                   ******
    
                   "I thought you wanted pancakes?"
    
                   Jayleigh cocked her head to the side.  "Ehh… not no more."  To complete her act, she smiled so sweet, Carter smiled himself.
    
                   He sighed.  "Hand them here, then."
    
                   She pushed her Styrofoam plate towards him.  Carter raised his eyebrows, but took it anyway.
    
                   "Sure you don't want it?"  When she nodded he said, "Okay.  I'll eat it.  But it looks really good…"
    
                   He cut a piece off, stabbed it with the plastic fork, and put it in his mouth.
    
                   Jayleigh watched him for a moment, then said, "I wanna panake!"
    
                   Carter smiled, knowing that she would eventually say that, and gave her the rest.
    
                   "Mmm…" She picked up the pancake with her hands, and put it up to her mouth.  Carter's only thought as she done this was on washing her off later.
    
                   "Good?" he asked, grinning.
    
                   "Yup," she responded, trying to lick the syrup off her cheeks.
    
                   Carter grinned.  She was impossible to resist.  He slid around in the booth towards her, and bit at her face, making a sound like he was eating.
    
                   She laughed loud enough for everyone in the restaurant, who turned to look.  Carter, however, found that he didn't care.  He just wanted to hear her laugh.
    
                   ******
    
                   Carter walked through the doors in the ambulance bay four hours later.  Jayleigh's hand was held tight in his left hand, a diaper bag in the other.
    
                   "Carter!" Jerry yelled, sounding surprised.  "Who's that with you?"
    
                   "Jerry, Jayleigh Carter.  Jayleigh, Jerry," said Carter, making his way quickly to the lounge.
    
                   "What?" Jerry said, apparently trying to appear hurt.  "I don't get a last name?"
    
                   "Nope," he responded, turning into the door to the lounge.
    
                   When he entered, he noticed Neela stretching out on a recliner, Sam relaxing on the sofa, and Gallant was pouring coffee.
    
                   "Rough shift?" he asked, opening his locker.
    
                   There were general groans as Gallant nodded and said, "Hellacious."
    
                   Neela sat up.  "Four GSW's, three MVA's, an LOL with a  ruptured spleen, two cases of SIDS, and a twelve-year-old basketball player diagnosed with a brain tumor.  How was your day?"
    
                   Carter's eyebrows shot up.  "Ouch.  Anything to look forward to?  Anything at all?"
    
                   Neela and Gallant shrugged simultaneously.  "Probably not," he said, walking out of the lounge.
    
                   "Daddy?" Jayleigh was tugging at Carter's pant leg.
    
                   He'd almost forgotten she was there.
    
                   "Can we go upstairs now?  Alex said he'd give me a quarter if I got there before him."
    
                   Alex, Carter reasoned, must have been one of her friends in the daycare.  He threw on his lab jacket, and grabbed her hand.
    
                   "Oh," gasped Neela before he had a chance, "is that your daughter?"
    
                   Carter, despite his wanting to get to work and Jayleigh upstairs, felt his chest swell with pride.  "Yep."
    
                   "Oh my goodness!  She's adorable!  How old is she?"  Neela got up and went over to her, a large grin on her face.
    
                   "Two."
    
                   "And she's yours?" she asked, as if she did not believe him the first time.
    
                   "Yeah…"
    
                   "Is her mother in the Congo still?"
    
                   _Damned E.R. women – can't keep their noses in their own business for a minute._  "Eh – no."
    
                   "Oh.  Well…" She grinned precariously.  "Who is she, then?"
    
                   _Urgh, why does no one know?_
    
                   "Abby."
    
                   Neela was clearly surprised. "_Lockhart?_  Abby_ Lockhart_?"
    
                   Carter shrugged his left shoulder.  _Beep, pager, beep!_ he begged silently.  "I gotta get to work…"
    
                   "Oh.  Well, goodbye then."  She sounded very disappointed.
    
                   Carter led Jayleigh up the stairs, and by the time he had reached the landing, he had gotten a load of _aww_s from the people he passed.  _Wouldn't Neela know?_ he thought.  _From what I've seen since I got back…they seem to be pretty close.  Close enough, at least for her to know that I was the father of her daughter.  Hasn't she ever seen Jayleigh before?  Did no one know about Jayleigh?_
    
    Something was seriously wrong.
    
                   Carter dropped her off at daycare, receiving admiration from Alyssa, the daycare worker.  Everyone loved his daughter.  He loved his daughter.  He loved her more than he ever thought he could love something.  When he saw her hurting in the hospital bed, he wanted nothing more than to absorb all the pain she felt, and make her better with his own wellness.  Never before…
    
    **Response to Reviews**
    
    **CARBYforever: **It made you cry? Now I know I'm doing a good job. :)
    
    **Rock Lobster: **Hehe.  Anne's gone for a couple of chapters, anyway… Yep, watching since '94.  I watched with my mummy as a kid, because, well, I was a kid. And I thought Carter was cute. (No joke!)  Now I watch it because I'm totally in love with it. :D
    
    **Amanda:** Thank ya. Sorry for not updating sooner. :(
    
    **Carbylobsterandavrilfan: **#1 Carby fan, eh?  I think we all think that's a title of our own… Anyway – thanks for reviewing!
    
    **Starbright:** :D  All I have to say.  Hehe, thanks for the review.
    
    **ER-Carby-Luva:** Enjoying it heaps? ^^ 
    
    **AbbyLockhart2: **Kem's a woman?  I was sure she was a Martian in disguise or something equally horrific.  Hmm… lol – thanks for reviewing!
    
    **Lily:** Yep, I've got you added. But I'm sure you already know that. Lol.  Thank ya for reviewing!
    
    **Lily:** Congratulations! You've given me about the longest review I've gotten.  In any fandom.  On any website… Ever. Don't harm the stuffed bears, k?  Though, if it had been me, I probably would have thrown it too.  I tried to throw my little brother at Anna Del Amacio when I saw it the first time.  I did not like her.  Lol.  My brother was about a year old… hehehe.
    
    **Becky:** Warm and gooey? Hehehe.  Thanks for the review!
    
    **Becky:** Déjà vu…
    
    **MrsWyle: **Hehe. Of course!  A kid with Carter's genes HAS to be cute – have you seen Owen Wyle? Lol.
    
    **MrsWyle:** That's odd. Déjà vu… again…
    
    **CamilaC:** I do know a bit about what's going on… more than you can find on a spoilers page.  ;)
    
    **Jordan_Cavanaugh:** No Anne, nope.  No Anne in this chappie either.  Does that make you happy? ;) I love JC/AL… it just warms my heart… *sniff*
    
    **Jordan_Cavanaugh:** Déjà vu for the third time! WHOA!
    
    **Kattybaby2318: **LMAO!  You think they should get into each others pants already, eh? Hahaha… upfront, aren't we? Lol.  Oh yeah, and thanks for recommending this to other peoples… it's really cool of you. Hehe. :)
    
    **AnnaSun:** It gets better with each chapter? Hehe – thank ya!  Sorry for not updating sooner… been busy.
    
    A/N: There we go.  I hope to update sooner next time. I've finally gotten a plot for a Harry Potter fanfic, if anyone cares to read.  It should be up sometime next week or so… as should chapter sixteen!
    
    ~LTDan


	16. Fallen

A/N: Thanks to **SpreadtheLove** and **AbbyLockhart2** for helping me out with the scenery of Lincoln Park.  And a big, big, massive, huge, mega, super THANK YOU to **Lily**, for helping me get this chapter together!  I'll repay you with some Carby and D/C icons when I get my new PSP.  Also, thanks to **Jordan_Cavanaugh** for helping me with the title. :) As you can see, it took a lot of people to throw this chapter together.  Some more people helped, but it was minor stuff that I've forgotten over the past couple of weeks. Sorries.  But thanks to them, too!  Ohh yeah… shout out to Noah fans.  See if you can catch it. ;)

Disclaimer: Nothing's mine.  The song belongs to **Sarah McLachlan**. :)

*~LTDan~*

_Heaven bent to take my hand  
And lead me through the fire  
Be the long awaited answer  
To a long and painful fight  
Truth be told I've tried my best  
But somewhere along the way  
I got caught up in all there was to offer  
And the cost was so much more than I could bear  
Though I've tried, I've fallen...  
I have sunk so low  
I have messed up  
Better I should know  
So don't come round here  
And tell me I told you so...  
We all begin with good intent  
Love was raw and young  
We believed that we could change ourselves  
The past could be undone  
But we carry on our backs the burden  
Time always reveals  
The lonely light of morning  
The wound that would not heal  
It's the bitter taste of losing everything  
That I have held so dear.  
I've fallen...  
I have sunk so low  
I have messed up  
Better I should know  
So don't come round here  
And tell me I told you so...  
Heaven bent to take my hand  
Nowhere left to turn  
I'm lost to those I thought were friends  
To everyone I know  
Oh they turned their heads embarrassed  
Pretend that they don't see  
But it's one missed step  
You'll slip before you know it  
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed  
Though I've tried, I've fallen...  
I have sunk so low  
I have messed up  
Better I should know  
So don't come round here  
And tell me I told you so..._

_~Fallen _by **Sarah McLachlan**

"Don't! Want! PINK!"

"It's all I have, Jays!"

"DON'T WANT IT!"

"You've got to get dressed!"

"WON'T!"

Carter dropped his shoulders, defeated.  "Yellow?"

Jayleigh seemed to be contemplating this.  She licked her lips in thought.  "Uhh… okies!"

            Sighing, Carter reached into the pocket of his cargos and pulled out a silver colored cell phone.  He dialed Anne's number, which he had memorized over the past month.

            "Hey – Anne?"

            "Yeah.  Who is this?"  she asked from the other end of the line.

            "John…" responded Carter uncertainly.

            "Oh, yeah, sorry.  You sound different; do you have the flu or something?"

            Carter raised an eyebrow that no one but his daughter saw.  "No.  But are you busy?"

            "No.  Why?  Are you leaving for the park early?"

            "Nah, but do you think you could get Jays a yellow outfit of some sort?  She refuses to wear the pink Abby packed for her."

            "Yeah, sure, of course.  Where from?"

            "Anywhere."  _She'll get spoiled enough anyway.  One cheap set of clothes won't change much_, he admitted silently.

            "Sure.  I'll pick it up, and be on over!  'Bye John." _Click_.

            Carter flipped his cell shut and put it in his pocket once again.  He turned to face Jayleigh, smiling slightly.

            "Anne's brining you some yellow clothes.  'Kay?"  he said, picking her up and walked to the front room to watch television.

            "Yich.  Don't like her."  She wrinkled up her nose in obvious dislike.

            Carter frowned, surprised.  "Why not?"

            Jayleigh shrugged.  "Dunno."  She paused.  "Can I watch Big Bird?"

            "Sure can."  Carter sat down on the leather couch, repositioning her on his lap.  He scoured the in table, couch, and coffee table for the remote, and eventually found it and turned on the TV.

            Anne came round an hour or so later.  Carter had his neck stretched out on the top of the couch so he was staring at the ceiling; Jayleigh sat in his lap, still watching Sesame Street.  A doctor was examining Big Bird and smiling, something that Jayleigh seemed to find very amusing.

            Carter heard the knock on the front door, and jumped up to open it.  "Hey."  His eyes moved to hers, and he gave her a quick peck on the lips.  "Sorry I had to get you out.  I couldn't go out without her – "

            "Don't worry about it, John," she interrupted.  Anne smiled sweetly and handed him a bag labeled "Toddlers-R-Us".

            He took it from her and peered inside.  "You knew what size?"

            Anne nodded, still beaming.

            "I see."  He pulled out a light yellow sweat suit with small pink elephants patterned across the bottom and top.  Holding it out at arms length, he examined it.  

"It's cute," he decided.  He smiled gratefully.  "Thanks."

Anne wrapped her arms around Carter's neck.  "Are we ready to go, Dr. Carter?"

His smile softened.  "I need to change Jayleigh," he said, "and we are."

******

Jayleigh attempted to wriggle out of her stroller. 

"Ah – sit still," scolded Carter.

"Be-air…" she said in an awed voice.

"What? …Bear?"

"Yuh."  She pointed upward to the front gate, where an ice sculpture of a polar bear stood.

"Canna touch it?" Jayleigh asked sweetly, looking directly at Carter's eyes.

"I don't know…" Carter answered, unwilling to let her roam.

"Of course," said Anne, on his left.  She smiled at Carter, as if she knew something he did not, and unbuckled the straps on Jayleigh's stroller.

Carter raised his eyebrows. "What are you doing?" he whispered.

"I'm helping… Can't I help?" she said, beaming.

Carter watched as she lifted Jayleigh.  "I… yeah.  Yeah, sure."

Anne picked up Carter's daughter.  Jayleigh attempted to squirm out of her arms, obviously not wanting to be held.  Anne did not let her go, however.

"Come on, Jayleigh, want to touch the bear?" she said, walking up to it.

"No!" she pouted loudly.

Carter saw Anne frown.  "I thought you – "

"Not with you!  You ain't my mommy!" She proceeded to wail deafeningly.

Anne's face remained determined.  She reached into her purse and pulled out a sucker.

"Bribery?" Carter muttered, an amused smile playing on his face.

Jayleigh stopped screaming, and took the sucker from her.  "Pop?"

Anne looked to Carter, apparently confused.

"She calls suckers pop.  Like lollipop, I guess,"  he responded, shrugging.

"Yes… pop.  You can have the pop if you do one thing for me."

Carter continued to smile.

"You have to be good and let me carry you a bit, okay?"

Jayleigh nodded slowly, and reached for the sucker.  Carter watched Jayleigh slowly warm up to Anne, unsure how he felt about his new life.  His new girlfriend, his new daughter… his new sense of friendship with Abby.  How did it all come together?  Where did everything fit?  That was still something he was trying to figure out.

**Response to Reviews**

**CARBYforever: **Carby, Carby, Carby.  We all love Carby. :)  One of the best, eh?  Hehe – thank you.

**CamilaC:** Talk to me on MSN, and I'll tell you everything I know.  But I can't here because some readers are spoiler-free.

**Carbylobsterandavrilfan: **Thank ya much.  Yes, Owen is adorable. XD

**MrsWyle:** Ohh you'll see why Abby's not said anything.  And you'll see whether or not Susan knows.  It's really not what you might think.

**Starbright:** Ick – sorry about the formatting. I don't know what happened there. Hopefully, it won't happen again, but I can't promise anything.  Thanks for reviewing!

**Kattybaby2318: **I know "I Melt" is very Carby.  I love it.  ;)  I mean, **AbbyLockhart2** said that you recommended this story to her, so I thanked you. :)  As always, thanks for reviewing!

A/N: Where were the reviews, people? Eh?  Six total reviews for this chapter… that's depressing. Did you know? *Sniff*  Anyway – please review.

_*~LTDan~*_


	17. Lessons Learned

A/N: Wee! Lookit! It's about to get good. At chapter seventeen. *Laughs*  Hehe – Dr. Spartacus… eh, yes – inside joke.

Disclaimer: I own them all.  I kidnapped TPTB, and set them free again under the condition that I own them all.  Yes.  If you believe me, you need to psychiatric help… Also – I thieved the song from **Tracy Lawrence**…

_*~LTDan~*_

I was ten years old the day I got caught   
With some dime store candy that I never bought   
I hung my head and I faced the wall   
as Daddy showed me wrong from right   
He said this hurts me more than it does you   
There's just some things son, that you just don't do   
Is anything I'm sayin' getting through   
Daddy I can see the light   
Oh Lessons learned, man they sure run deep   
They don't go away and they don't come cheap   
Oh there's no way around it   
Cause this world turns on lessons learned   
Granddaddy was a man I loved   
He bought me my first ball and glove   
Even taught me how to drive his old truck   
Circling that ol' town square   
He spoke of life with a slow southern drawl   
I never heard him cause I knew it all   
But I sure listened when I got the call   
That he was no longer there   
Oh Lessons learned, man they sure run deep   
They don't go away and they don't come cheap   
Oh there's no way around it   
cause this world turns   
On lessons learned

_Oh Lessons learned, man they sure run deep   
They don't go away and they don't come cheap   
Oh there's no way around it   
cause this world turns   
On lessons learned_

_~Lessons Learned_ by **Tracy Lawrence**

By Saturday, Jayleigh still had not warmed up to Anne.  She had even kicked her when Carter proposed she stayed the night, and Anne gratefully accepted.  Even as the el train bumped along the tracks, Jayleigh was screaming at her.

            "Can't we be friends?"

            "NO!  Not my mommy!  You not!"

            Anne was attempting to hold Jayleigh, but Carter could see it was proving difficult.

            "Do you want me to take her?" he asked with a frown.

            "No… No, I've got it, thanks."  She smiled her sugary sweet smile.

            Carter's expression didn't change, though.  Her effort was apparently moot.  He wouldn't be surprised if she tried something like she did the night before.  He was almost proud of himself for what happened the previous night.  He had invited Anne to stay overnight, but he miraculously refused to sleep with her.  She had not been exactly happy about his decision, but Carter, at least, knew it was the right one.  No more risk-taking for him; as much as he loved Jayleigh – he did not want it to happen again.  In fact, he had only invited her to stay because a horrible snowstorm had set in, and Carter did not want her out in it.

            "Your stop," he said, kissing her goodbye.

            Anne smiled and got off the el.

            Carter watched her out of sight, and then turned to Jayleigh, who was sitting in the seat across from him, looking very sweet.  But Carter was not fooled.

            "Why don't you like her?" he asked solemnly.

            "'Cause she's a bitch," she replied matter-of-factly.

            Carter looked blankly at her.  "Where did you hear that word?" he snapped.

            Jayleigh chewed the inside of her jaws, and Carter was briefly reminded of Abby.  "Henny."

            "Henny," he repeated skeptically.

            "Yuh."

            "Who's Henny?"

            "A boy."

            "A boy?"

            "Yuh.  Henny is a boy."

            "How do you know him?"

            She shrugged.

            "We'll ask your mom when we get to her house."  Carter grimaced at the thought of punishing his daughter.

            ******

            "Hey, Abby."

            "Hey."  Carter saw her eyes sweep to Jayleigh.  "Hey you.  Mommy missed you."  She picked her up and Jayleigh squealed with delight.

            "Miss you more!"  She wrapped her arms around Abby's neck.

            Abby looked at Carter.  "Did you have fun with Daddy?"  She didn't take her eyes off of him.

            "Yeah!  We stayed up real late and ate pizza!  Oh, and played games – Daddy's real good at hide-and-go-seek.  We watched Big Bird lots.  An' we went to the park… but it wouldn't no fun 'cause Anne came too."

            Carter held up his hand.  "Can I come in?  I need to talk to you…"

            "Sorry – yeah, sure."  She swung the door open, and let him into her apartment.

            Carter followed her to the couch, where she put Jayleigh down, telling her to go play in her room.

            "She's a great kid…" Carter mumbled, looking down the hall to her room.

"Yeah.  She never gives me trouble," said Abby, following his gaze.

There was a short but pregnant pause.

"That's what I needed to talk to you about.  Jayleigh… really doesn't like Anne."

"She's a child, Carter.  You can't expect her to love everyone…"

"She kicked her… and called her a bitch."

Abby nodded, a frown growing on her face.  Though Carter hated to see her frown, he pressed on,

"She said she learned the word from a boy… Henny?"

Abby sighed.  "Henry," she said, "Henry Weaver.  Kerry and Lopez's son."

Carter's jaw dropped slightly.  His boss's son was teaching his daughter wrong?  Something was very wrong there.

"Henry Weaver?"  he murmured, taking in the irony.  "Weaver's son…"

            He looked up to see Abby smiling slightly.  He grinned back at her.

            "What?"

            "Doesn't she need to be punished?"

            "I'd say so…"

            "Do you want to do it?"

            "What?  Punish my daughter?  I'll pass, thanks."

            "I think you need to.  C'mon."  She continued to smile as she stood and took his hand, leading him to Jayleigh's room.  She stopped just outside it.  "Discipline her."

            Carter stood there for a moment, but pushed open the door to her room nonetheless.  She sat in the floor, playing with unclothed Barbie dolls.  He smirked at the cute sight, but cleared his throat loudly.

            "Daddy?" said Jayleigh smiling.  "Do you like my room?"

            It took all he had to keep from smiling, so he merely nodded and squatted down before her.

            "You know that word you called Anne on the train?"

            All the happiness left the child's face; it was apparent she knew she was in trouble.  "Yes, Daddy."

            "You know what my Gamma would do to me when I said words like that – bad words?"

            Jayleigh's eyes were wide as she shook her head.

            "She'd wash my mouth out with soap."

            Jayleigh gasped.  "Soap is yucky."

            Carter nodded slowly.  "It is.  But I bet if I put soap in your mouth you wouldn't say those bad words anymore, would you?"

            She shook her head a second time.

            "Come on, then," said Carter, sighing.

            He led Jayleigh to the door where Abby stood, a satisfied smile on her face, and her arms folded across her chest.

            "Good job, Dad," she said jokingly.

            He frowned.  "Are you coming?"

            "Bathroom's down the hall.  First door on the right."

            Carter groaned, but led Jayleigh down the hall.  He entered the bathroom, and scanned it for a bar of soap.

            "Abby!  Where's your soap?"

            "In the cabinet above the sink.  In a pink box," she called back.

            With a dejected sigh, he opened the cabinet, and rummaged around for a pink box.  Instead, he found a plastic baggie, full of pictures.  He curiously took the down, and saw that the photo on top was one of him.  He wore a black suit, and was making a ridiculous gesture at the camera.  He opened it, smiling.  He shuffled through the pictures, each one better than the last.  In the final one, he and Abby were kissing, eyes closed.  One hand was around her waist, and the other was outstretched, apparently taking the photo.

            He felt a tug on his pant leg.  "Daddy? What didja find?"

            Carter forced a slight smile.  "Nothing."  He put the pictures away and took down the soap box.

            He bit his lip and turned to look at his daughter.  "Okay.  First you… you lick it, 'cause uh, it doesn't have a taste unless it's wet, so…" He held the bar out toward her.

            She took it tentatively, and gave it a quick lick.  Carter felt his heart sink as she pulled a face.  He didn't know punishing the small girl would be so hard.

            _You're going to regret this later, you know_ he thought sadly

            "Eh… now you've gotta put it in your mouth and leave it there for a minute.  I'll… I'll check my watch.  When I say take it out, you do it.  Got it?"

            Jayleigh nodded, and put the bar of soap in her mouth.  Carter checked his watch, and kept looking down at it: he couldn't watch that, or his heart would explode.

            Five seconds…

            Ten seconds…

            Twenty seconds…

            Forty seconds…

            Fifty seconds…

            "Take it out," he instructed, sighing slightly.

            "Icky… that's real nasty."

            "I know.  Now, you won't say anymore bad words, will you?" he said, putting the soap up.

            Jayleigh looked stunned that Carter would even suggest such a thing.  "I'd never, ever call anyone a bitch again!"

A/N: Look, I had a really, really, really hard time getting the ending together. Yes, it's sloppy.  Yes, it's bad.  But, as I always say (or not) – when all else fails, go with lame comedy!

Response to Reviews 

**AbbyLockhart2:** Yep, yep.  Right you are.  Er… yes.  No, I mean. No.  Just forget I said anything.  Thanks for the review.

**Hyperpiper91:** Long time no see!  Stick with it.  Carby in only a few chapters…

**C.L. Curtis: **Anti-Anne Mob? Lol.  Carby is gone for only a few more chapters, as I just said to HyperPiper91.  Buuuuut… I'm not giving away any secrets.

**Carbybubbles:** You've never seen Owen! Oh, I must link you to a picture of him! e since August or September, I didn't register until December…  Anyway – thanks for reviewing! :D

**Banana_Belle: **First off, love the name.  Second, thanks for the review! ;)

**Lily: **Lol nice review.  Unfortunately, though it IS my birthday today, I don't have my new PSP yet… I'll get those icons to you ASAP, though!

**Kattybaby2318:** Carby sex… you are really upfront, ya know that?  All I can tell you on the sex front is… um… watch and see. :)  But you're an awesome reviewer, and upfront is good…

**Jordan-Cavanaugh: **Devil? Anne's not Devil.  KEM is Devil.  Anne can be… I dunno… Demon or Sister of Devil… lol.  Thanks for reviewing as always, chickiepoo! ;)

A/N: As I said, it's my birthday (really! Check my profile!)… so why not leave a review as a 'present' to me? *Hint hint* ;)


	18. Just Friends

A/N: I checked my stats today and saw that I'm on the favorites list of more people than I ever thought possible, and author alert list of even more.  So if you've added me, then I thank you sincerely! :)

Disclaimer: I won't even bother.  But the song is **Susanne Vega**'s.

_*~LTDan~*_

_We're friends, that's all we are  
And that's all we will become  
It's understood  
We're only friends  
And it's better that way  
For everyone concerned  
So if you brush against me  
When we're walking side by side  
I won't wonder what you're thinking  
'cause we've got nothing to hide  
And I know you didn't mean it that way  
'cause we're just friends  
We're friends, that's all we are  
And that's all we'll ever be  
Is friends  
And we can split the cheque  
But we'll never bring the conversation  
Around to you and me  
If I see your hand upon me  
It's no reason for alarm  
I realize you must have seen  
Something walking down my arm  
And I know you didn't mean it that way  
'cause we're just friends  
Oh I know, and you know  
That this is really the way  
That it ought to be  
'Cause if it was another way  
We'd have a lot of trouble  
And we'd end up in confusion  
And we'd lose a lot of sleep  
We both know better than to slip and go  
And get ourselves all tangled up again  
If we want to keep our peace of mind  
We've got to keep a little distance  
And just be friends  
Oh yeah, uh huh, oh  
So I'll try to understand  
When I feel your arm around my back  
That you really meant to do something else  
But somehow you've gotten off the track  
'Cause I know you didn't mean it that way  
'cause we're just friends  
I know you didn't mean it that way  
Oh I know, you didn't mean it that way  
Yes I know, you didn't mean it that way  
'cause we're just friends_

_~Just Friends_ by **Susanne Vega**

            Carter sat in his dining room, making a feast of cold pizza at six in the morning.  He had negotiated to get Christmas Day off.  Somehow, he had gotten it.  With no one in particular to spend the day with, or no special place to go, it wasn't exactly _necessary_ to get out of work.  He wouldn't get Jayleigh until tomorrow, as it was.  The day's actual purpose was to contemplate his life, something he had not had the time nor patience to do since November, when he was hospitalized. 

            Biting off a corner of a slice of pizza, Carter created a mental list of what was impacting him, and what was mystifying him.  After a few moments of brooding, he came up with:

            Jayleigh, Anne, Abby, his daughter's disease, Luka's death, the pictures in Abby's cabinet, Africa, the partiality of Anne that Jayleigh was lacking, and the odd behavior of everyone at work towards Jayleigh-all made up Carter's very chaotic life.

            He tossed the crust of the pizza back in the box absently.  Had he _ever_ really sat down and thought about life? Perhaps Africa had changed him that much. or he had finally snapped, and was mentally incompetent, thus doing out-of-the-ordinary things.  Either way, he need this contemplative day off.

            _Or not_, he thought as the phone rang.

            Groaning, he stood and made his way to the nearest phone.  Emily, the housekeeper, had Christmas off.

            "Carter residence, John speaking."

            "Hey, John, it's Abby."

            Curiosity exploded in his brain.  _John?  She only calls me John when her emotions are running high. why is she even calling me?  Shouldn't she be with Maggie or Eric somewhere?_

            "What's up?"

            "Oh. nothing. Hey are you doing anything special today?"

            "Well, I was - uh - "

            "Huh, yeah Carter.  Why don't you come over?  She chuckled slightly, causing Carter to grin to himself.

            "Well, I suppose. I'll have to cancel my _other_ plans, though."

            "You didn't have other plans.  Besides, you let us stay at your place before we got the apartment. consider it a returned favor."

            Smiling a huge smile he said, "Yeah, whatever.  I'll be on over."

            "Okay. Bye."

            ******

            Carter arrived at Abby's in time for lunch, where she had forced Jayleigh and him to eat bologna and cheese sandwiches.  Of course, the toddler complained.

            "Yich.  Cheese.  Don't like cheese," she said, holding the square of American at arms' length, like a potentially lethal snake.

            "Eat it for Mommy?"  Abby pleaded.

            Jayleigh shook her head vigorously.  "No!"

            Carter reached across the table and took the cheese from her.  He threw his head back and dangled the dairy over it.

            "If you don't eat it, I will.  And you'll just have to eat that plain old sandwich."  Abby, he noticed, was watching him with amazed eyes.

            "No!" Jayleigh shouted again, taking the cheese from him.  "Mine!  Don't take stuff from other people without asking, Daddy!"

            Carter tilted his face back down, beaming.  "You're right. I'm sorry."

            Abby's head was cocked to one side slightly, bearing an amused smile.  "You're really great at this, you know."

            "Yeah, I know."  He continued grinning.

            "And cocky."

            Carter nodded shamelessly.  He thought he was getting over Abby.  But he was wrong-very wrong.

            "All done!" his daughter declared.

            "Now can I open presents?"

            Carter looked to Abby, who nodded.  "Sure," he answered, jumping up.  "But I'll beat you to 'em!"

            Jayleigh giggled.  "Nuh-uh."  She stood too.

            As Carter was about to say "go," he hard Abby say: "I'll be you _both_."

            "Okay.  We'll see. _go!_"

            Jayleigh took off through the apartment like mad; Carter and Abby jogging slowly behind.  As they entered the living room, Jayleigh stopped abruptly, causing Abby to do the same.  Carter, caught by surprise, ran into Abby.  She turned on, Carter assumed, instinct, so they were looking each other in the eyes.  His impulse took over at this moment as he leaned forward to kiss her.  But he was brought back to Earth by a palm colliding with his forehead.

            "What are you doing?"  she hissed in a frantic whisper.

            He did not know how to answer her, so he did not say anything.

            "You have a _girlfriend_, Carter.  And we're over.  We have been for three years.  You can't keep doing this.  Especially in front of her."  She motioned to Jayleigh, peering at presents contently.  "She'll think. it doesn't matter. the point is-stop.  Friends, Carter.  That's what we are.  Just friends."

            He immediately felt dim-witted.  He had not _meant_ to kiss her.  And even if he had, who was she to remind him of Anne?  Carter could think of a million better ways to spend the day, even if it was not with Jayleigh.  Even sitting at home eating cold pizza and feeling sorry for himself was better than what had just happened.  But she would have to forgive him it.  Just one more time.

A/N: Phew!  Sorry for the wait.  The next few chapters should get out faster, as I've been eager to post them for a few weeks now. thanks for the help from everyone.  Don't stop reviewing, people: it's your input that helps me get the chapters out quickly.

Response to Reviews 

**CamilaC: **Thanks for the review, hun.  I shall tell you all the spoilers I know.

**Hyperpiper91:** Thanks for stickin' with it, then! I honestly appreciate it.  Anne is a plot device, lol.  I'll tell you that right now.

**C.L. Curtis:** Thank ya, thank ya.  I like Jayleigh. She's based on the late Jayleigh Rickett (my sis), my boyfriend's little brother Jeremiah, and my cousin Thomas.  I get inspiration from those three. they're adorable.

**Carbylobsteravrilfan:** Your birthday was on the twenty-sixth?  Or the twenty-eighth?  I know a lot of people with birthdays around mine.  My cousin's is the twenty-eighth. she was eighteen.

**Bluecake:** Yes, but she doesn't want him because he hurt her, and she's still not over that gitty git git, Luka.  Anne is the Kem of my fanfic.  I like writing her. she's fun! Lol

**Katie:** Every five seconds?? Not a lil. eh. obsessed, are we? ;) Now that I've updated. what're you going to do?

**Katie:** Déjà vu.

**Kelly:** Of course I'll keep going - right through the end, and the sequel.  If the sequel's popular, then I'll make it a freakin' trilogy! Yay!

**Feefsmall:** I made someone laugh out loud.  *Does an I-Made-Someone-Laugh-Out-Loud dance* Thanks for the review!

**Kattybaby2318:** That soap thing was something I had to do to my sister when she said "Go fuck yourself!" to my dad when he said it was time for dinner. so I liked writing it. :D This is a Carby, isn't it?  So hope for the best, huh? :)

**Jordan-Cavanaugh: **Thank ya, thank ya.  :D  That line just popped into my head out of nowhere. She is the spawn of. eh. well, she's an incubus, damn it! ;)

**Starbright:** Thank ya! Had a great day. shopping spree with a few friends. Unlimited money.  It pays to have a rich, dense stepfather! :P  Anyway. thanks for the review!  I love feedback!

A/N: Questions, comments, suggestions - whatever - I'll reply to anything you have to ask.  If you REVIEW!  How bout it, eh?****


	19. Kiss This

A/N: I apologize for it taking ages to update… I had a death of a close friend, and three more were hospitalized… beh.  That's the second one of this story.  I think it might be jinxed.  Oh well.  Here's more for you… what you wanted… enjoy.

Disclaimer: Nottin's mine. The song is **Aaron Tippin**'s.

_*~LTDan~*_

_She was a woman on a mission, here to drown him and forget him  
So I set her up again to wash him down  
She had just about succeeded, when that low-down no good cheatin'  
Good for nothin' came struttin' through the crowd___

_Ah he was layin' it on so thick, he never missed a lick  
Professing his never ending love  
Oh but I never will forget when she stood up and said  
So I guess you think we're just gonna kiss and make up don't cha?  
That's when she said..___

_Why don't you kiss, kiss this, and I don't mean on my rosy red lips  
Me and you, we're through, and there's only one thing left for you to do  
You just come on over here one last time  
And pucker up and close your eyes, and kiss, this goodbye___

_Well the next thing I recall she had him back against the wall  
Chewin' him like a bulldog on a bone  
She was puttin' him in his place and I mean right up in his face  
Draggin' him down a list of done me wrongs  
Well it was just about now that the crowd gathered 'round  
They've come to watch him pay for his every sin  
She called him everything under the sun  
And when we thought that she was done  
She reared back and she let him have it again, man, she said, she said...___

_Why don't you kiss, kiss this, and I don't mean on my rosy red lips  
Me and you, we're through, and there's only one thing left for you to do  
You just come on over here one last time  
And pucker up and close your eyes, and kiss, this goodbye___

_Kiss this, and I don't mean on my rosy red lips  
Me and you, we're through, and there's only one thing left for you to do  
You just come on over here one last time,  
Pucker up and close your eyes, and kiss this goodbye  
Kiss this goodbye (See ya)___
    
    _~Kiss This_ by **Aaron Tippin**

            "What've we got?" Carter said, pulling on his gloves.

            "Fifty-six-year-old male, fell through ice while skating at his house."

            "How long was he under?" Carter asked, walking with the medics to trauma two.

            "Uhh… wife said four minutes."

            "Okay," said Carter, taking control over the room.  "Haleh, get me a heated IV bag.  Sam – EKG, CBC, and blood-gas.  And I'll shock him," he added, seemingly to himself.  "Lydia, gimme a hundred."

            Lydia turned the dial on the electro shock machine.  "Okay," she declared.

            Carter charged the paddles by rubbing them together.  "Clear!" Everyone in the room obeyed, stepping back.  A faint, not quite steady _beep, beep, beep_ emitted from the man's heart monitor.

            "Okay – the guy's stable… everything's normal," said Sam, back with his stats.

            "Pulse ox?"  Carter asked automatically, bagging him at rapid pace.

            "Seventy and falling."                

            "Gotcha saline drip here, Carter."  Haleh handed him a warm bag of clear liquid.

            Carter grabbed up the intubating equipment while Haleh attached the IV to the man's forearm.  He opened the man's mouth, shined the light in, and tubed him.  "Got it."

            A long, flat _beeeeeeep_ sounded in the chaotic room.  "Damn it, he's flat-lining!  Charge me to two-hundred."

            Lydia did as she was told, and Carter ordered everyone to clear, shocking the man again.  His heart rate came back, steadier with each successful bleep of the monitor.

            Carter smiled triumphantly.  "Okay, he's got a stable rhythm – let's keep it that way. Uhh… Yosh, see who you can get to take him.  I'm out of here."

            "But, we need a doctor to sign for him when they arrive," countered the nurse quickly.

            "So get Pratt.  He was here," answered Carter, removing his gloves and throwing them in the floor for house cleaning to pick up later.

            Yosh nodded, and Carter walked out of the door.  Of course, as soon as he did so, Morris came running up to him, pushing a boy along.  "Hey Carter, I've got a –"

            "I'm off," said Carter, turning to face him with raised eyebrows.

            "Can't you just take one more?"

            "Take it yourself for once, Morris.  My daughter is waiting in daycare…"

            "I thought Abby was getting Jayleigh tonight?"

            "She's sick with – Morris!  Patient!"  Carter said, mentally kicking himself for relaying a personal matter to Doctor Incompetence.

            Morris nodded quickly.  "Yes, sir Chief!"

            ******

            Carter stood outside the nursery, looking in at his daughter, sitting at the small table, finger-painting.  Thankfully, she had an apron on, so only her pants appeared to be ruined by red paint.  He grinned involuntarily, his hands in his pockets. Jayleigh looked up, seemingly feeling that he was watching her.  She smiled broadly and ran to the door, closely followed by Alyssa, the daycare worker.  She reached over Jayleigh's head and opened the door.  Jayleigh immediately ran to Carter, who bent down and caught her in his outstretched arms.

            "Daddy!"  she said excitedly.  Her tiny arms wrapped quickly around his neck.  "Where's Mommy?"

            "Mmm… Mommy's sick, so you'll be with me until she gets better," he responded, giving her a serious look, as if talking to an adult.  "Sound good?"

            "Yuh.  Sounds good."

            ******

            "It's not going to kill you to walk two blocks."

            Jayleigh pouted her lips and folded her arms across her chest.  "Might," she argued.

            "Won't."

            "Will."  She stood still, looking defensive and angry.

            "It won't.  Now, if yo don't come on, I'll _carry_ you."

            Jayleigh did not move.  Carter groaned, stalked toward her, and grabbed her up.  Naturally, she attempted to squirm out of his arms.

            "I hate her!  Don't make me go!  I won't!" she screamed, kicking her legs.

            Twenty minutes later, an exhausted Carter and raving Jayleigh arrived at Anne's apartment.  He knocked, and waited for a response.  After what seemed an age, Anne answered the door.  She had an exasperated look about her:  her cheeks were flushed, and her breathing slightly quicker than normal.  But that was not what made Carter suspicious of her the most.  It was more that she was wearing only a white robe.

            "John?"  she said, seemingly surprised.  "You had to – I mean, I though you were working late."

            Carter didn't answer her.  "What's going on?"

            _Nothing_, he reassured himself, _Nothing_.

            "Umm… nothing.  This isn't the best time… and you have little Jayleigh with you… perhaps you should go…"

            "That didn't answer my question.  Now, tell me what's – "

            He stopped short at a noise from behind the door.  Someone else was in the apartment with her.  He pushed the door open, not caring that she didn't want him inside.  As he entered the living room, his eyes first fell on the couch.  A man sat there, pulling on a pair of pants.  He had his back to Carter, so he did not see him until Carter was right upon him.  As he moved to face him, the man looked up, now fully dressed.

            "Umm… friend of Anne's?"

            Carter looked to Anne, who was still at the door, apparently shocked.

            "Not really," he answered.  "John Carter.  It's a _pleasure_ to meet you," he said with over-zealousness.  Carter grabbed Jayleigh's hand and led her to the door.

            "Sorry to have bothered you," he said sardonically.  "I'm sure I just wasted your precious time."  He was almost out the door when he turned and faced Anne for the last time.  "Oh, and, watch out for this one, man.  She's a bitch."

Sorry, no review responses.  My mom was yelling at me to study for my bloody stupid chem test.  Next time!


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